CSI: NY Quotes Database
*Hi guys! Please don't edit this page! I've spent a great deal of time compiling these for the community so believe me, they're accurate! :) If I did miss something, though, please send me a message or start a thread and I will gladly add your contribution!*

Okay folks, here's the deal--here you can find quotes from each of our beloved CSI:NY Seasons listed below. If you're looking for a particular character's quotes, just look for his or her color. The key is as follows:


Aiden=orange
Danny= red
Flack=blue
Hawkes=violet
Mac=dark red
Stella=olive green


101, “Blink”

Flack [to Mac, referencing jogger cradling a dog in his arms]: Ran his name--he's harmless. Think he's all about the dog, y'know?

Mac [noticing wedding ring on vic's finger]: Someone out there's missing a wife.

Danny: Morning, dear.
Stella: Do I have a tail back there?
Danny: Sorry. Morning, Stella.
Stella: Better.
Danny: Hear about that body?
Stella: Uh, the one by the river cafe? Yeah, I caught it on the police portable while I was in the shower.
Danny: Why doesn't that surprise me?
Stella: Job never stops, Danny.

Stella: What time'd you get in?
Mac: Never went home.
Stella: Can't sleep?
Mac: What's sleep?

Mac: I'll be at the ME's.
Stella: A 'good morning' would be nice.
Mac [giving Stella a fatigued look]: Morning.

Mac: Dr. Hawkes?
Hawkes [sitting up and rubbing his eyes]: Oh, sorry. Your Jane Doe did me in. When you see her, you'll know why.

Danny: How fast the city changes. GHB is as dead as disco. Fry sticks are the new date rape drug of New York City. Three puffs, and down goes Fraser.

Mac: We got a serial.

Danny: What's the dimensions on the barge?
Mac: 'Bout 140 x 38 feet.
Danny: Half the size of a football field.
Aiden: My kit's fully stocked. Bring it.

Mac: Do me a favor, Hawkes, would you?
Hawkes: Yeah?
Mac: Write those arteries down for me.

Mac: Dr. Guiles? You know what they say about men who study too much data.
Guiles: They become a statistic?
Mac: Something like that. Listen, do you still have that medical bust?
Guiles: Skinless or boneless?
Mac: Skinless.

Aiden [examining camera]: Black and white film. You seein' red?
[Danny nods]

Flack: Hey! You got a peddler's license?
Suspect: Yeah.
Flack: Yeah? What's your name?
Suspect: I'm Jason Parnell. Why?
Flack [to customer]: Hey! How ya doin'? Ya want sunglasses and whatnot? There's a cart on every corner! Cart's closed!

Suspect: Look, I've never seen that house in my life. I swear on my grandmother.
Flack: All right, lemme arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.
Mac: You're comin' with us.
Suspect: What about my stuff?
Mac: Forget about your stuff.

Mac: Listen up. We got two dead women and one still alive. We divide and conquer. Detective Flack, you find the owner of this residence. Put out a wanted message.
Flack: All five boroughs. Consider it done.

Stella: Mac! You all right?
Mac: Yeah. Why?
Stella: You've been workin' yourself to the ground! When was the last time you slept?
Mac: I'll rest my head when I tire.
Stella: What? What is it? Did the husband get to you?
Mac: I'll be at Angel of Mercy.
[Mac drives away]

Danny: No pictures, no personal effects. Not a partial, nothin'. What's this guy, live in gloves?
Aiden [examining sheets with blacklight]: I'm gettin' all kinds of love over here.
Danny: Think he got tipped off.
Aiden: I think he got off!

Aiden: Maybe he [Dr. Guiles] can tell us who's beneath the sheets.

Mac [to coma victim]: Ma'am, I apologize if I've done anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

Flack: A half-dead woman was found in your rental home. How is it you can't tell me who you rented it to?
Suspect: I told you. The management company handles all that.
Flack: I heard that part already. Too much in one interrogation as it turned out. [Leans forward threateningly] What this mother's face isn't buying is how HIDA, the entire NYPD, me--can't seem to find a single transaction that proves you actually rented the house to a real person.
Danny [entering room]: Hey, mind if I swab him, Flack?
Flack: Be my guest. You won't have any problems gettin' his mouth open--he won't shut up.

Flack: Open up your mouth, Mr. Silo. You like things with soft tips in your mouth, am I right?

Danny: Hoops on Saturday, Flack--don't forget.

Flack [to suspect, after Danny leaves the room]: Where were we?

Stella [to Mac]: Danny and Aiden lit that place up like a Christmas tree! They couldn't find so much as a partial.

Stella: It's a temporary setback. We keep workin'. Right?
Mac: Why?
Stella: What?
Mac: Why, Stella? Why does he do it?

Mac: I wouldn't have taken you for a man in denial, Mr. Ivanov.
Perp: Doctor.
Mac: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer. With a medical degree.

Mac [to perp]: I think when Zoya asked you to take care of her, paralyzing her from the eyes down wasn't what she had in mind.

Mac [to coma victim, in slow and halting words]: I'm so tired. You know, I used to sit like this with my wife. Her name was Claire. She died on 9/11. . .nobody saw it coming. I was cleaning out the closet the other day and, uh, I found this beach ball. . .and I remembered it was my wife who blew it up. I never told anybody this, but I got rid of everything that reminded me of Claire. Too painful. The one thing I couldn't throw away was that beach ball. Her breath is still in there.

Mac [to cab driver]: Ground Zero, please.

Fun Episode Fact: Did you know that the shots at Ground Zero from "Blink" were the first to be filmed since 9/11?

103, "Creatures of the Night" (Aired as 102)

Stella: She [victim] was in Central Park.
Mac: Looks like we got ourselves an 800-acre crime scene.

Danny: Shouldn't we process the scene first?
Mac: Process it if you can find it. It's somewhere in Central Park.
Danny: That's a bit of ground to cover.

Mac: Whadda we got, Aiden?
Aiden: One Jordy Tompkins. One gunshot wound to the abdomen--one bad-smelling alley.

Stella: Do you have any questions before I start?
Victim: What happened to me?
Stella: That's what I'm trying to find out.

Stella: So whadda we got?
Danny: The answer to the million-dollar question.

Mac [to Hawkes]: You save the good stuff on purpose, doncha?

Hawkes: Face, arms and legs were the appetizers--the gunshot wound was the main course.
Mac: And the dinner guest?
Hawkes: This is where the story gets tasty.

Mac: You're telling me a rat ate the bullet?
Hawkes: That was dessert.

Stella: She [victim] fought. She fought hard.

Aiden: I lived in a six story walk-up in Brooklyn. You could hear the rats scampering on the staircase above you. They didn't even flinch when you passed 'em.
Mac: That's 'cause they recognized you. They like familiar surroundings.
Aiden: What they liked was my grandmother's sofa.

Mac: This alley, all this garbage is a four-star cruise to the Bahamas for them.
Aiden: I take it there were a lot of rats in Chicago?
Mac: Too windy.

Market Owner [to Aiden]: 'Scuse me, can I help you? [To Mac] Hey!
Aiden: Sir, actually, we're here to help you. You have a rat problem.
Owner: You from the Health Department?
Aiden: NYPD. Crime Scene Investigators.
Owner: You people deal with rats?
Aiden: Only when they've eaten our evidence. And as of this moment, this place is officially a crime scene. So I suggest you hang up your apron and call it a day.

[Flack catches up with suspect attempting to flee]
Suspect: Hey, man, I didn't do nothin'!
Flack: Yeah ya did! You got steak sauce on my shoes!

Flack [to suspect]: So we got this all wrong. You're not a rapist, you're just a thief?

Mac [to rat exterminator]: Carl, Carl! Hey, listen! I don't care! I just need you to catch the thing. Just catch the rat!

Stella: Our rapist is shooting blanks?

Aiden [to Mac]: They love eggs. It's an old trick I learned from my big brothers. . .caught a few cat-sized rats.

Mac [to Stella]: Was that focus or frustration?

Stella: You?
Mac: Aiden's on Rodent Patrol and I'm waiting to do a rat-topsy.
Stella: Rape and rats. Worlds apart.
Mac: City's the city. Hang in there.
Stella: Hey, you know me.
Mac: Use your head, not your heart.

Danny [tossing nut at Stella]: Hey, Bonasera!
Stella: Walnut?
Danny: Eliminates Donovan Tracy as a suspect.
Stella: You got my undivided attention.

Dr. Guiles: The rapist left behind no DNA. Perfect crime.
Stella: There's no such thing.

Aiden: Couldn't we get Dr. Hawkes to do this [rat-topsy]?
Mac: Sheldon draws the line at rodents.

Aiden [regarding rat choking to death]: Poor little guy.

Flack [to suspect]: Let's go. Get up.

Danny: We match nothin' to nothin' Stella, and it's gonna count for something.

Stella: DNA is indisputable evidence, and we don't have it.

Perp: But I didn't shoot Jordy.
Mac: Jordy? Thought you didn't know him.
[Mac stands up and prepares to leave]
Perp: Hey, tell me somethin'! Who ratted me out?
[Mac laughs and walks out of the room]

Mac: I heard Robin Prescott was a no-show.
Stella: You heard right.
Mac: But you showered.
Stella: I needed to cool off.

Mac: You know, there are nine case folders on the edge of my desk--cases that have never been solved. Every week I make a few phone calls, I check CODIS, study police reports, looking for any connection--sometimes I go down to Evidence, dust off a box just to remind myself what's inside. See if there's something I know now that I didn't know then.
Stella: What do you find?
Mac: Honestly, not much. But next week I come in and I'm back at it. 'Cause there used to be twelve case folders on the edge of my desk. Have faith in the evidence, Stella.

Stella [after matching evidence to nail perp]: Gotcha. Son of a b*tch.

104, "American Dreamers" (Aired as 103)

Boyfriend on tour bus, to girlfriend: You're killin' me with the pictures, ya know that?

Stella [looking at skeleton on the back of tour bus]: How long is this tour?
[Mac gives Stella a look]
It was funny! So whadda we got here?
Mac: New twist on the b*tch ride to hell?
Stella: Gang members dig up a rival's corpse and send it around the city on the subway? I mean, this isn't Chicago, Mac.

Mac: If this is a joke, I'm not laughin'. These bones are real.

Stella: Clever.
Hawkes: Not that clever. Whoever assembled your skeleton never took an anatomy class.

Stella: Looks like our sculptor left a little piece of himself behind.

Mac: So where did this black discoloration come from?
Hawkes: That's for you folks on the outside.

Danny: Skeleton on a tour bus in Times Square! The press is gonna love this story. Practically writes itself.
Mac: That's not news.
Danny: True, but it's gonna sell a helluva lot of papers.
Mac: Only because of where it was found. The real story is, these are the bones of a teenage boy.
Danny: Media don't care.
Mac: I do.

Aiden: Mac, when can I get my hands on that skull?

Aiden [smiling]: Human skull. Big fun!

Danny: So your boy's layin' low in a high-traffic area. Unfortunately, in New York that's everywhere.

Mac: Timeline just jumped.
Stella: I heard. Brings back bad memories for this city. '90 to '93 the murder rate was two thousand per year.

Stella [discussing her work with Narcotics in the 90's]: In the parks we found more crack vials and hypos than kids.

[Suspect is reading article about skeleton on tour bus]
Mac: Admiring your work?
[Suspect turns to run]
Flack: Hey! Goin' somewhere?

Suspect: I can't believe you're jammin' me up for this. I burned a few tourists--that's all. It was a joke.
Flack: NYPD didn't find it funny.

Stella: Decomposition on the clothes and under the bones. I think this is where he died.
Mac [shining flashlight on mattress]: I think it's also where he lived.

Stella [to Mac]: Home must've been pretty bad to trade it for this place.

[Aiden is impatiently waiting for Mac to give her the go-ahead to complete facial reconstruction on the vic's skull]
Danny: It's tough bein' in the bullpen, hah? Waitin' for the nod.
Aiden [sarcastically]: Thanks for your concern.
Danny: Here we go.
[Danny pulls print off pipe]
Aiden [unenthusiastically]: Very nice.

Stella: This kid was movin' in the wrong direction.

Aiden: Been waiting all day for this. Talk to me.
Stella: White John Doe teenager--nice teeth, bum leg, no face.
Aiden: No problem.

Stella: Mac? Still with me?

Danny: Nice. Just the person I was lookin' for. I put some of my time into that fingerprint I pulled from the pipe--
Stella: Extra effort--I like that! Talk to me.

[Mac is examining a piece of paper with a few stray letters]
Stella: Playing Hangman?
Mac: Actually, yes. But I've run out of letters. I have no idea what this is.
Stella [smiling]: For now.

Stella: He [victim] was swallowed up by the city. Lost.
Mac: Reality rarely lives up to expectations--especially if you're a teenager.

Shelter Worker: I used to try to get to know the kids. But--
Mac: After a while all the faces start to look the same.

Aiden: Hey, do you need anything else?
Mac [holding up piece of evidence]: Yeah. I need to know what this is.
[Mac walks away]

Flack: So management's official statement is that they unofficially hire street kids to run the racks.

Pawn Shop Owner [to Mac]: I'm sorry, pal. You're a few hours late. Owner just came in and picked it [watch] up.
Stella: The owner's been dead since Dinkins was mayor!

Stella: Get creative.
Danny: Done.

[Surveillance camera footage reveals suspect touching an object on the wall]
Stella: It's a guitar!
Mac: It's DNA.
Danny: Creative enough for you?

Stella [to perp]: You killed him over two dollars?!

Stella: You already know how it [Bright Lights, Big City] ends.
Mac: That's not why I'm reading it.

Stella: Case files can wait, Mac. Come on, you need to get out! If this case taught us anything, it's that we need to live life, right?
Mac: Next time.
Stella: All right, suit yourself.
Mac: Hey Stella?
Stella: Yeah?
Mac: How's the coffee there?
Stella: They have Irish coffee. You're gonna love it.

105, “Grand Master" (Aired as 104)

Aiden [walking up to DJ club]: I used to climb over the velvet rope at this place. Now I'm ducking under crime scene tape.

Mac: Witnesses?
Flack: Typical club death. Two hundred people inside, nobody saw nothin'.

Aiden: DJ Championship--it's sorta like the Super Bowl for spinners, or as they call them nowadays, 'turntabilists.'
Mac: Looks like someone turned the tables on this guy. Ends up the winner, then ends up dead. Whaddya get for second place?

Mac: So you're familiar with these DJ contests.
Aiden: Yeah, I'm from Brooklyn. All the kids I grew up with wanted to be a Grand Master.
Mac: Grand Master?
Aiden: Yeah. Like a DJ legend. Grand Master Flash or a Jam Master Jay--paved the way for guys like Dre and Ice Cube, Eminem and Jermaine Dupri. You like music like that?
Mac: I prefer crunk myself.

Danny [to Stella]: You imagine droppin' 45 million for an apartment?

Jayden Prince, Friend of Victim: Somebody killed my twin, dawg!
Flack [gesturing to himself]: Detective.

Prince: You a Detective, right? Then detect!
Flack [with gritted teeth]: We're workin' as fast as we can.

Mac: Mr. Francais.
DJ: DJ Francais.
Mac: Mr. Francais. When you were done with your set, where did you go?

DJ Francais: What am I, under arrest?
Mac: Oui.

Hawkes: DJ Banner. Not often I get a celebrity on my slab. He's like the Michael Jordan of vinyl.
Mac: You should hear Aiden talk about this DJ world. You close your eyes, she sounds like Queen Latifah.
Hawkes: What d'you know about Queen Latifah?
Mac: It's my job to know a little something about everything.

[Stella is examining a blood sample]
Danny: That Angelina Jolie's?
Stella: Deborah Gale's. She couldn't swim.
Danny: She couldn't swim?! She had a pool in her living room.

[Stella walks up to find Danny placing phone in toaster oven]
Stella: Mmmm. Somethin' smells good.

Danny [regarding toasted phone]: That'll do it. Not too burnt.

[Danny and Stella are watching businessmen eat sushi off a woman's body]
Stella: Oh, that can't be sanitary.
Danny: Who cares if it's sanitary? I wanna see the menu.
Stella: You know, I heard about these naked sushi parties, but a restaurant?
[Beautiful Asian waitress walks by, Danny smiles at her]
Stella: You gonna be able to focus?
Danny: I'm all over it.

Disco Placid [scratching a record]: Brings me back! My lord! Two turntables and a microphone!

Kevin Vick: Damn, you fine. You eva wanna ditch dat blue fo dis black, I'll lay you down anytime.
Aiden: Oh, you wanna talk dirty? Believe me, I will cuff you.

[Stella and Danny are processing chunks of blowfish in a blender]
Stella: Does this make you wish you woulda gone to law school?

Danny [to Stella]: 'The History of the Blowfish', by Stella Bonasera.

Danny: So he [sushi place proprietor]'s gettin' five hundred bucks for a twenty-five dollar piece of blowfish. God bless this city.

Mac: Whaddya making?
Hawkes: Ribs.
[Microwave beeps, Hawkes pulls out bowl containing vic's 11th rib]

Prince: I've never had a problem with any of 'em [workers] before.
Mac: Well, there's always a first time.

Flack: George Thomas. Assault in the first degree. Aggravated assault in the second degree. Criminal possession of a weapon. I can go on. But I already read War and Peace.
Suspect: Look, I paid for my mistakes. And then some. Mr. Prince was nice enough to overlook my past and give me a job.
Flack: Well, forgive me if I allow your status as a multiple felon to color my opinion of you.

Flack [to suspect]: So if you needed to slip away--let's say for a smoke. . .to do some murder. . .you had other guys around to cover for you.

Flack [to suspect]: Last time I checked the weapon we confiscated didn't have cute little legs, walkin' around from toolbox to toolbox.

Danny: All right, so she [victim]'s workin' on sketches, takes a swim, dies and then goes back to work on her computer?

Danny [to suspect]: What'd you do, call 911 and then surf the 'net until the ambulance came?

Suspect: You know what? I'm not sayin' another word.
Danny: That's just fine, sweetheart. Tox'll do the talkin' for ya.

Stella [regarding tox screen]: Negative.
Danny: You're kiddin' me, right?

Stella [to businessmen at sushi joint]: I'd pass on the blowfish if I were you.

Perp: What, you got a foot fetish too?
Stella: Just take off your socks.

Danny: Here we are lookin' for the murderer at the table. . .
Stella: And here the murderer is the table. [To perp] Let's go.

Mac: Bag that strand [of paper], would you?
Aiden: Reading my mind.

Mac: Aiden?
Aiden: I'm on the toilet. Can you come here?
[Mac gets a funny look on his face and walks into the bathroom to find Aiden processing the toilet]

Prince: All I wanted to do was protect him [vic] from the Kevin Vicks of the world.
Mac: In doing that, you became one of them yourself.

102, "A Man A Mile" (Aired as 105)

[Danny is shining his flashlight over some tunnel rocks]
Mac: You bathaphobic?
Danny: I'm not anything-phobic. There's a few things that shake me up, and one of 'em is 700 feet of granite between me and daylight. I don't know how these guys work down here.
Mac: Same way we're going to. Rock by rock.

Suit: Mac!
Mac: Tom. Personal visit from the DA's office?
Danny: What happened, you get lost on your way to a press conference? Or ya just checkin' up on us?
Tom: I never check up on Mac.

Flack: You're tellin' me you guys are the only ones who dig tunnels in New York City?
Worker: If it's deeper than a grave in New York City, then the Sandhogs built it.

Worker: You know how a Sandhog measures progress? A man a mile. 'Cause that's the death rate down there.

Prep School Girl: Hannah never showed. Which isn't a surprise, because when you go to a school like this--
Aiden: I went to a school like this.

Stella: Last time I checked, you didn't go to a school like this.
Aiden: Cuts through a whole layer of attitude if they think you're one of 'em.

Hawkes: The adult human skeleton contains two hundred and six bones--about two hundred of which are broken on your vic.

Mac: Danny, your intuition is great--
Danny: But let's see what the evidence has to say first, right?
Mac: Right.

Danny: You're not gonna be satisfied until you figure those [x-rays] out, are ya?
Mac: No.

Mac: You hit him [vic] because he insulted the Rangers?
Worker: There's three things I take seriously: my family, the Rangers, and this [holds up Sandhog ring]. This is all that matters. We look out for each other, you understand?

Mac: This isn't just a murder anymore. It's a conspiracy.

Flack: You're divorced. Wife's got an order of protection against you. 'Remain 500 feet away at all times, do not harass by phone, custodial changes must take place at the 1-11.' They let you take your kids outta the precinct, or do they set youse up in a cell?
Suspect: That's because of Pete!
Flack: The order of protection's against you. Not Pete Riggs.

Flack [to suspect]: Well, I guess that dent in your head only affects stuff you wanna forget.

Danny: If you can't find someone else on the inhaler. . . .
Mac: You find the inhaler on someone else.

Danny [to Mac]: Joe Riggs is gonna wake up one day and realize he's short a brother. I mean, in my world, a guy's gotta protect himself and his family. Who'd you back--your brother, or some union?

Stella: Your sister ever bring Hannah here?
Club Owner: No. She was underage.
Aiden: That'd make you the first club owner in the history of New York City who didn't stock his place with teenage girls.

Aiden [about club owner]: This guy'll have another sixteen year old before the sun goes down.

Stella [looking at video of vic and suspect kissing]: What I wouldn't give for some audio.

Suspect: Okay, look. Hannah had a little crush on me. It was no big deal.
Aiden: Is that what you told her when you whispered in her ear outside your club?

Mac: Pieces of evidence.
Danny: Yeah, you made that very clear. I just don't see your point.
Mac: My point is you're missing the connection. It's what we all look for.
Danny: Yeah, but don't you ever just feel it?
Mac: All the time. But I don't act on it until I can prove something.
Danny: I can't do this job your way.
Mac: Well, you can't do it your way either.

Mac [to Danny]: When I put you as lead on a case I wanna make sure you're bringing me evidence. Not intuition.

Danny: Come on, pal. We're talkin' about your brother here.

Teenage Perp: You know what he remembered most about every kill?
Stella: What?
Perp: There's no feeling in the world like watching the life drain out of an animal's eyes.

107, "Outside Man" (Aired as 106)

Danny [to EMTs]: Hey! Use gloves, okay?
Flack: Do us a favor, just be very careful with every piece of possible evidence that comes off these people, all right?
EMT: You got it.

Danny [looking at bodies on the floor]: This would be the deep end we've been thrown in.
Aiden: Copy that.

Aiden: Musta reloaded. You need a cool head to take that time, boy.

Aiden: Why bag the heads at all?
Danny: Let's stick with the how.

[Mac picks amputated lower leg up off the ground]
Stella: Is it heavy?
Mac: Lower leg constitutes 15% of a person's body weight.
Stella: All we have to do is find the other 85%.

Surgeon: He [patient] seemed pleased with my work.
Stella: He as pleased as you?

[Mac pulls back comforter on dead man to reveal no left leg on the body]
Mac: The other 85% of Frank Hertzberg.

[Mac notices a few officers staring at crime scene]
Mac [to uni]: If these people wanna see a show, tell 'em to go get tickets to Rent, okay?
Uni: Yes, sir.
Mac [to Stella]: What's the matter with people?

Stella [looking in freezer]: What do we have here? A finger?! [to Mac] Okay! This place. . .gives a whole new meaning to the term 'chop shop.'

Stella: Why would a dead man keep a spare finger in his freezer?

Aiden: Tell it.
Suspect: Aight, she called me downstairs--
Aiden: She who?

Hawkes: Apart from not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger.

Danny [talking to key]: You would be the right thumbprint of Terell Davenport. [Looks in magnifier] Or not.

Stella: It only takes one print to finger someone.

Amputee: Frank felt for many years that his left leg was unnecessary to him. He felt oppressed. That he couldn't be whole until he had it removed.
Stella [confusedly]: He was oppressed by his leg.
Amputee: That's how he felt.

Mac [to amputee]: You wanna tell us what your finger was doing in Frank Hertzberg's freezer?

Danny [to Aiden, regarding needles]: One's a fluke, two's a pattern. [Finds another needle in a box] And three's a suspect.

Danny [to suspect Jose]: You recognize that? Let me help you. That's a syringe with traces of heroin in it. Your drug of choice.

Danny [to suspect]: What happened, your sister get tired of playin' Florence Nightingale to your habit?

Danny [to suspect]: I tell you what. I'm gonna put you up for a few days. But if I find out you did this thing, I'm gonna put you away for good.

Danny [to suspect Lamar]: Ya like throwin' a football around, Lamar? Or is that blue wristband just a style thing?

Vic's wife: He [vic] didn't want his body when he was alive. I certainly don't want it now that he's dead.

Danny: I been meanin' to take my car into the shop.
Aiden: Two birds with one stone.
Danny: Let's do it.

Luis: My apartment, my shop--whatever, man.
Flack: I'll take that as informed consent.

Danny: Notice how we always get put on trash detail?
Aiden: Hey, when you make it to second grade it'll be a thing of the past, my friend.

Mac: Did you ever hear of the Hippocratic Oath, Doctor? The part that says 'first do no harm'?

Danny [to Aiden as he pulls plastic bag out of trash]: Next time I say a case is in the garbage, remind me of this moment?

Danny [looking at plastic bags through microscope]: I gotcha. This case is in the bag.

Danny [to perp]: Listen to me! Criminals are like animals. They leave tracks. We find 'em.

Mac: I read your preliminary report. Good job, Danny. You're on the promotion grid.
Danny: I can't wrap my head around it, Mac. I mean, ya get up and go to work, you see the people that you know--you talk, you laugh. You're livin' your life and then suddenly, boom! It's just over. Just like that. And ya never even saw it comin'.

Fun Episode Fact: While filming one of the evidence processing scenes, Vanessa Ferlito got a piece of duct tape so twisted around and stuck to her gloves that they had to stop the take and peel it off!

108, “Rain” (Aired as 107)

[Stella and Mac are looking at burnt body of a dead bank robber]
Stella: How difficult is it to understand the concept of 'stop, drop, and roll'?
Mac: Panic and adrenaline rarely leave room for logic.

Stella: There's something gooey here.
Mac: Gooey? There's a good forensics word. Gooey. I'll have to use that more.

Stella: They do things big south of Canal Street. It's Chinatown, Mac.

Flack: Gotta wear a mask to a bank robbery. It's a rule.

Mac [attempting to extract a bullet from the wall]: Come on, bullet. . .got it!

Danny: Ballistics is gonna be fun on this one.

Danny [examining cut wall leading into bank]: What is this, stainless steel sheeting?
Stella: It's the illusion of security.
Danny: I got this stuff on the front of my dishwasher.

Danny: I'd say the first guy out had to knock over the tank. Regulator cracks--this place is a tin can of excitement.

Aiden: We have superstitious bank robbers?!

Mac: You buyin' his story?
Flack: Nah, you know me--everybody's a suspect 'till you prove otherwise.

Mac: This bank robbery just turned into a kidnapping.

Flack: You believe him?
Danny: I do. But then there's the evidence.

Flack: Luther Willet? Detective Flack, Aiden Burn, crime scene investigator.
Suspect: Wow. Cops around here just get prettier every day.
Flack: Watch it.
Suspect: Oh, hey, don't get upset. Just got outta prison! You both look good to me.

Aiden: Maybe we should just take you in, Luther. You fit the description--bank robbery, kidnapping--what is that, Flack? 15, 20 years?
Suspect: You're from Brooklyn.
Flack: Come on, Luther. Who hates you enough to try to frame you for a bank robbery--you piss somebody off in prison?
Suspect: You got this whole thing all wrong, man.
Flack: Why don't you enlighten me.

Flack [talking about suspect]: His name's Kevin Moretti. He's got a rap sheet longer than I am tall, and he spent time in jail with our good friend Luther Willet.
Mac: What'd you get from his parole officer?
Flack: That he's been lookin' for him.

Mac: Chinatown to East Broadway. Long way to go.
Flack: 'Specially if you've been shot.

Hawkes: Did any glass shatter at the scene?
Mac: No.
Hawkes: Lead paint?
Mac [shaking his head]: Possible. Usually you have all the answers, Sheldon.

Mac: We have a kidnapper who relies on the kindness of New Yorkers?

Mac: Some sort of gooey residue on top of the piece of paper.
Stella: Great choice of words.

Stella [in response to sirens]: What the hell?!

Stella: What's with all the squad cars?!
Flack: Police terrorist response drill.
Stella: Right here, right now. Did you know about this?!
Flack [sarcastically]: They don't send out a memo. The point is, they're unannounced.

Stella: This is just great. D*mmit!

Stella: With all that rain, it's not likely Mother Nature's playing ball.
Mac: Then it's time to change the game.

Mac: Oh, I see a smile!
Stella: Mm-hmm.

Suspect: I don't know anything about a baby.
Flack: Well, lemme tell ya what I know: you're lying.

Mac [to suspect]: Write down the Pledge of Allegiance.
[suspect looks at Mac silently]
'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.'

Danny [after tackling perp]: Shoulda never fired your weapon, Marvin!

Mac [to perp]: It's always something. Something you didn't expect or count on. Something that screws everything up. If only Tony had gone home. . .if only it hadn't rained.

109, “Three Generations Are Enough” (Aired as 108)

Danny: Anything else?
Mac [handing Danny a bag of evidence]: A lot of financial data. If you need any help deciphering—
Danny: Nah. I can work my way around a spreadsheet.

Mac: Something happened, and it wasn’t good.

Flack: Suicide’s a sin, right?
Stella: It’s viewed as ‘an attempt against the dominion and right of ownership of the Creator’.
Flack: Where’d ya get that, the Catholic Encyclopedia?

Stella [looking up at church’s façade]: S’about five stories. Twenty meters, right?
Flack: Doesn’t look that bad.
Stella: Not from down here it doesn’t.

Stella [to Flack]: Suicide isn’t just a sin, it’s a statement—and I don’t see one here.

Mac: Fear tends to trump logic.
Jane: Depends on how logical you are.
Mac: Or how afraid?

Aiden: Car’s registered to our missing trader. Luke Sutton.
[Mac peers into the car at Sutton’s burnt body]
Mac: At least what’s left of him.

Mac [to Aiden, regarding burnt car]: Let’s take the rest to go.

Hawkes: This murder wasn’t about a try for minimalism.

Mac: If the vic was conscious, and the bullet didn’t kill him, then the fire wasn’t meant as a cover-up—it was meant to kill him.
Hawkes: Means he really musta pissed off the wrong guy.

Aiden: If someone’s setting you on fire and you have a gun next to you, why wouldn’t you use it?

Stella: At least it [case] got me back into church. You still go?
Mac: Sometimes.
Stella: Seems whenever I do go the sermon’s always about forgiveness. Then I think about what we do.
Mac: Forgiveness isn’t part of our job.

Stella: How ‘bout your case?
Mac: I’m lookin’ for Charles.
Stella: Charles who?
Mac: Exactly.

Mac: Someone went to a lot of trouble to file these [serial numbers] off.
Aiden: I went to a lot of trouble to acid-etch ‘em back on!

Stella: Somehow, one cigarette has Trina’s DNA on it as well.
Suspect: I kissed her.
Flack: Now how does that thought process work? ‘There’s the mother of my child on the ground, dead. I should prob’ly call 911, but lemme get a little action first.’

Suspect [to Stella]: Where’d you get this?
Flack: She collects evidence, Paul. That’s her job.

Aiden: If you’re gonna steal a hard drive, why leave it behind as evidence?
Mac: Could be because whoever left it thought the fire would destroy it, but the temperature would have to exceed 700 Celsius to melt the thing.
Danny: That’s just another sunny day on Mercury.

Mac [finding $5000 bill fold]: I got the money!
Danny [finding another stack]: I got the money too.
Aiden [discovering a third stack]: I’m in!

Danny: With all this cash layin’ around, you’d think the guy could afford new rounds.

Stella: I have two points of reference that are in common with Paul Strajevsky.
Flack: Yeah, you could prob’ly find two points of reference in common with my print too.

Jane: I suppose at the end of the day, everything really is connected, isn’t it?

Mac: How did your suspect get in my case?
Stella: Looks like it’s our case.

Mac: Paranoid schizophrenic's worst nightmare.
Stella: He doesn’t just think we’re out to get him—we are.

Mac: Every case has a trinity.
Danny: Victim, suspect, location.

Aiden: Yeah, I’m on Charles Langdon. He can’t hide forever.

Aiden [regarding motive for murder and suicide]: Why?
Mac: Luke Sutton was a third-generation schizophrenic.
Stella: And Trina was carrying the fourth.

Paul [regarding a psychotic break]: Unless you’ve been there, you can never know what that struggle is like.

Stella: Leaving home isn’t an escape. . .it’s just a change of address.

110, “Officer Blue” (Aired as 109)

Flack: Someone shot a mounted officer, Mac! Shot him right off his horse! EMS just got here, I got a guy--
Mac: All right, all right, slow down, Flack. Just walk with me.
Flack: I heard the shot all the way from 6th Avenue. It shook the windows of my squad car! Sounded like a sonic boom.

Mac: No one sleeps in New York City until this shooter is caught.

Danny [to Aiden]: Let's bring Central Park back to our lab, hah?

Aiden: What's your name again?
Detective Thacker: Thacker.
Aiden: Detective Thacker. I need a scratch copy of the complaint report and the ME number when it's done. And do me a favor, will ya? Don't check out my ass when a kid is dead in the street. Show some respect.

Stella: With our luck, it [print]'ll come back the window washer.
Mac: Think positive, Stella.

Mac: Get anything from the park?
Flack: We sent the world out and got next to nothing. I spoke to a lotta eyewitnesses--I got everything under the sun. He was shot from a tree, he fell off his horse and shot himself--one lady said aliens came down. This city's full of nuts.

Mac [to suspect]: Save the speech, sir. You're already under arrest.

Danny: Boom.
Mac: Willie Chancey. Bench warrant for unlicensed peddling. Bag vendor. What made you single him out of the crowd?
Danny: You found his cell phone. They don't call me Eagle Eye for nothin'.

Flack [coming up to bag vendor suspect]: Hey, how ya doin'? Ya got any Kate Spade?

Mac: Who were you on the phone with just before your altercation?
Suspect: Some woman. Wrong number.
Stella: We traced your cell phone earlier. It also came back to a disposable phone. Imagine that.
Flack: Your last call lasted 18 minutes long. What, was she givin' you phone sex?
Suspect: Yeah. Want the number?
Mac: This guy's good to go. Get him before the judge for his warrant.
Flack: Mr. Chancey? Lemme show you my limo.

Mac: You gonna answer that phone?
Suspect [picking up phone]: Hello?
Stella [holding up her cell]: Hang up! NYPD.

Flack: Mr. Brown, I have officers sittin' outside your residence. They say they don't see a car out front.
Suspect: That's because I don't own a car, sir.
Flack: How'd ya get to the airport?
Suspect: I took a cab.
Flack: Sure ya did.

Aiden: What's this kid doin' with baker's yeast baked into his face?

Aiden [to pizza joint employee]: I'm gonna need you to step outta this area. It's a crime scene now.

Scumbag Pizza Joint Owner/Illegal Betting Ring Runner: How ya doin'? Officer Burn. May I help you?
Aiden: Yeah, you can help me--by takin' two steps back!
Owner: Whadda you, a cop?
Aiden: Crime scene.
Owner: Oh, you're those guys with the little blue lights, right?
Aiden: It's called an ALS.
Owner [stepping closer to Aiden]: I don't care what it's called.
Aiden [reaching for her piece]: Sir, take caution in your tone.

Jane: What you up to, Detective Taylor? Saving the world, I presume.
Mac: Saving a horse, more like it.

Jane: You an animal lover?
Mac: Not particularly.
Jane: Just a scientist with a heart.

Mac [to Jane, reaching for bullet]: May I have it. . .have it back?

Stella: Forgive me, but taking the bullet out of the horse is that first thing that shoulda been done.
Mac: And you should be searching Gerald Brown's house for the weapon instead of arguing with me.

Mac: It's my call! End of conversation!
Stella: Fine! I'm gonna go tear up a house.

Stella: In Stella talk, it's time to get the bullet outta the horse, Mac. End of conversation.

Aiden [to Mac]: And believe me, this place was no more a pizza joint than a church in Hell's Kitchen.

Mac: It's your first threat, Aiden. It won't be your last.

Stella: This case is going backwards.

Flack: Airport security and I have been sweepin' the parking lot lookin' for Gerald Brown's car--we found somethin' in Willie Chancey's car instead.
[Mac opens car trunk to find a dead body]
Mac: Willie Chancey.

Stella: Let's pimp this ride.

Stella: Ah, screw it, just turn everything on!
Danny [hitting horn in frustration]: Rat b*stard!
[Secret compartment pops open to reveal a weapon]
Stella: AR-15, in pieces. Oh yeah.
Danny: Hey. Who's gonna put it together?
Stella: That won't be a problem, my friend.

Aiden [to pizza joint employee]: Put your finger on this picture, please?
[Employee looks nervously at scumbag owner]
Don't look at him! Put your finger on top of the picture, please.

Aiden [to perp]: You know what one of the greatest rules of being an investigator is? We can lie to suspects. Legally. There was never a stabbing. According to the autopsy report, Lenny Starks died from an epidural hematoma in the posterior fossa region. That's behind the ear if you didn't know. And you're right, he did leave on his own two feet. Three blocks later, he died on 'em.

Aiden [to perp]: You killed him. And now it's your turn to go down the street. Investigation's closed.

Mac [to perp]: Chain of command is sacrosanct, Mr. Brown. I'm a Marine. I know.

Mac [to perp]: You shot a New York City police officer. He wasn't just a cop. He was somebody's son. He made somebody proud at home. When you shot him in the back you shot those people through the heart. From where I stand, you're the one that should be put to death. No trial. No jury. An eye for an eye.

Stella: We haven't had a fight like that in a long time. Reminds me of the old Mac Taylor.
Mac: What old Mac Taylor is that?
Stella: The one who let his heart out of his chest every once in a while.
Mac: You're a fine CSI, Stella. I can honestly say I wouldn't do this job without you.
Stella: Yes, you would. You just wouldn't be as good.
Mac: Maybe.

106, “Night, Mother” (Aired as 110)

Flack: If there ever was an open and shut case. . . .

Mac: Did you get anything from her [suspect]?
Flack: What’s to get? We found her covered in blood with the murder weapon right next to her.

Stella [to silent suspect]: Do you have something to say?

[Danny and Aiden are examining vic who was beaten to death]
Danny: Looks like he went a coupla rounds with Chuck Liddell.
Aiden: More like Randy Couture.
Danny: Easy. . . .

Mac [to Hawkes]: I’ll take a lock [of hair] for the road.

Danny: You want cash or lens?
Aiden: Lens. I want a name.
Danny: Cash works for me. Thanks, Doc.

Flack: I’m tellin’ ya, Mac. She killed Rachel Cayman.
Mac: What’s your rush to put this woman away?
Flack: You saw her. What’s your rush not to?
Mac: In all my years of doing this, there’s one thing I’ve learned: sometimes the slam-dunks are the most deceiving.

Suspect: I’m sorry to keep you up so late.
Mac: You’re not keeping me up.
Suspect: You look tired. I can see it in your eyes. You should try to get some sleep.

Mac: I think this woman lived in fear. Looks like she was trying to keep somebody out.
Stella: Yeah, or maybe she was trying to keep herself in.

Aiden [to Danny]: You wanna roll?

Suspect: Why?
Danny: Why is my business.

Danny: What’s the word?
Aiden: Am I good or what? I got a name on the eye lens.

Aiden [upon entering warehouse with pickpocket mannequins]: What the hell is this place?

[Dr. Guiles wheels into the room to find Mac staring at splinters in his hand]
Dr. Guiles: ‘What we gain by science is, after all, sadness.’
Mac: Thomas Hardy.

Danny: Whole idea is to pick the mark without ringin’ the bell. Why doncha try it?
[Aiden tries to pull bill out of vic’s pocket but rings bell]
You’re such a girl.
Aiden [smacking Danny in the head]: Shut up.

Danny [regarding pickpockets]: That’s how they look at it. You’re carrying their money.

Stella: There’s a deeper connection and you wanna know what it is.
Mac: Emphatically.
Stella: You’re never gonna get any sleep in this lifetime, are ya Mac?
Mac: Not when there are questions keeping me up at night.

Danny [over radio]: Don’t take ‘em down ‘till they snatch the wallet.
Flack [responding over radio]: You tellin’ me how to do my job now?

Pickpocket: C’mon, you’re costin’ me money, man! What’re ya doin’?
Flack [grabbing pickpocket by the arm]: I’ll give ya a ride—in my limo!

Pickpocket: Look, the guy’s wallet fell out of his pocket. I was giving it back.
Flack: By puttin’ it in your own pocket? Wow, Eduardo. You’re a bad liar. Let’s watch you dig yourself a deeper grave. Remember Lenny?
Pickpocket: Who?
Flack: Who? [Makes hooting noise] Whoooo? He’s an owl now.

Flack: Eduardo, I’ll tell ya one thing—for a guy with light fingers you must have some heavy fists.

Ophelia, former suspect: Well, if I didn’t kill her, then what was I doing there?
Mac: I don’t know yet.

Mac: Ophelia saw the killer. She just didn’t know she did.

Flack [bursting into basketball game]: Everybody back up and watch me take Jason to the hole. You know—the one down in Central Booking?

[Stella tests inside of suspect’s bag; cotton swab turns pink]
Stella [to suspect]: Just so you know, pink is bad. [To Flack] Take him in.

Danny: Somethin’s keepin’ me in suspense—there’s somethin’ goin’ on and I can’t figure it out. Whassa matter, you got an itch?
Aussie Suspect: I get a lot of heat rashes.
Danny: That’s good, ‘cause you’re in the hot seat right now.

Aussie Suspect: Can I go?
Danny: Naw, why don’t ya stick around—mate.

Aiden: How did the Australian get into Lenny’s apartment?
Danny: I dunno. But now we got reason to get into his.

Danny: I might take my pants to the cleaners if I killed someone.

Stella [to suspect]: I commend you on using safe sex.

Stella: You know what they say about keeping condoms in your wallet.
Suspect: They get holes.
Stella: Just like your story.

Perp: I fell in love with her.
Stella: Trust me. You’re gonna get plenty of love where you’re goin’.

Perp: How could you know all that?
Aiden: Well. . .Lenny dropped a dime on you.

111, “Tri-Borough”

[Mac and Stella are looking at body of electrocuted teenager]
Mac: Why would a kid cross the [subway] tracks?
Stella: To get to the other side?
Mac: One way or another.

Mac: Have you ID’d him yet?
Hawkes: Not officially. So I’ve been calling him ‘Slick’.

Mac: Slick was dead before he hit the subway tracks.
Stella: So we’re looking at an electrocution to cover an electrocution.

[Danny is looking at a painting]
Detective Kaile Maka: You like what you see, Messer?
Danny [turning around]: Kaile.
Maka: I’m full duty again, Danny, so it’s Detective Maka.
Danny: How’s it feel?
Maka [moving her left arm back and forth]: Brand new. Of course, I’m setting off metal detectors now.
Danny: Yeah, ya got shot. It’s a small price to pay.
[Maka smiles]
It’s good to have you back.
Maka: Thanks.

Maka: We did a walk-through. No signs of robbery.
Danny [gesturing to painting]: I can see why.

Maka: See our guy over there?
Danny: What, Mr. Sweater-Vest?

Maka: So prints are out.
Danny: No sweat. We got databases for bullets too.

Maka: Reason Street. You know where that is?
[Danny pulls bullet out of a painting]
Danny: No. But I know where this is goin’.

Aiden: Ugh! You smell that, Flack?!
Flack [nodding]: Guy stinks. I thought the cold was s’posed to cover up the smell.

Aiden: Anybody see anything?
Flack: When does anybody ever see anything?

Stella: GCMS got a reading from the trace on Slick’s body—olive oil.
[Mac gives Stella a funny look]
Don’t ask me how it got there.

Danny: So Leo Whitefield sold a mobster a fake painting. That’s enough to cost him his life.

Mobster: He [victim] will be missed.
Danny: Save the kind words. He was shot with a gun that traces back to you.
Mobster: Allegedly. And how that gun ended up in his gallery is totally beyond me.
Danny: Look. I’m not a rookie, Mr. Gianetti.

Stella: Theoretically, he could’ve been electrocuted someplace else.
Mac: And just happened to get dumped in the one neighborhood in Brooklyn that lost its power last night.
Stella: Well, one of those ‘everything is connected’ moments.

Stella: All right, so we have a where and a when.
Mac: And in order to get to a what [freezes videotape at a shot of a guy], we need to start with a who.

[Guys run away from Mac and Stella using parkour moves]
Stella: Feel like chasing them?
Mac [spotting newspaper suspect had been reading]: Absolutely.

[Mac finds a possible print on the cover of the newspaper]
Stella: All the news that’s fit to print.

Hawkes: However, I did detect a foul smell emanating from the wound.
Aiden: Uh. . .yeah. Flack and I got a whiff of that at the scene—I thought it was a pair of stanky jeans.
[Aiden waves a bit of the odor towards her face]
It smells like chemicals of some kind—with a mixture of excrement.
Hawkes: Down here we call that a James Brown. . .it’s funky.
Aiden: Ye-eah. I’ll take it over to Trace. GCMass Spec’s got a great sense of smell.

Danny [to suspect]: It says, uh, your painting ‘Inhumanity’ is a fake.
Maka: Makes it worth a lot less liquid, now doesn’t it?

Danny: Yeah, well, if that document goes public, it [painting]’s worth zero.
Maka: We call that motive.
Suspect: I didn’t kill anyone. ‘Inhumanity’ is authentic! 100 percent.
Danny [handing over warrant]: Well, it’s 100 percent mine now. Sorry.

Aiden: So, Mass Spec went crazy with this odor that we found from our head wound vic. I’ve got words here longer than DiMaggio’s hit streak. Check it. ‘Dodecyl-benzene-sylphonic acid, tetrasodium EDTA, benza-sothia-zolinol.’
Flack [in a serious tone]: Whoa. Benza-sothia-zolinol?
Aiden: You know what that is?
Flack: No.
Aiden [laughing]: It’s all the chemicals found in deodorizers and disinfectants.
Flack: Deodorizers?! That guy smelled like ass!

Stella [processing vic’s apartment]: Maybe parkour is French for ‘leave no trace behind.’

Mac: Lotta music. All of it burned.
Stella: DVD’s should be equally as hot.
[Stella puts in the DVD to find a sex tape]
Stella [surprised]: Oh yeah.

Mac: He [victim]’s got a case of olive oil in the kitchen?
[Sex tape shows vic rubbing olive oil on a girl]
Stella: He’s not puttin’ it on food.

Stella: You may have a hundred and ninety-year old forgery case on your hands.
Danny: Maybe. Maybe not, though—on the flip side, the recipe for ancient ink? Simple. Any hobby shop has the ingredients. It’s iron shavings, tannins, gallets, mix and stir—boom! Ink the old-fashioned way.

Suspect: You ever think this is all just a coincidence?
Mac: There’s no coincidence in crime.

Flack: After you.
[Aiden wrinkles her nose and looks at Flack]
May be evidence.
[Aiden walks to the portable toilet and opens the door]
Aiden: Oh, God! This is bad! What do you guys do in here?
Flack: I don’t go in public.

Flack: I understand you were let go for drinkin’ on the job.
Suspect: I had a little pick-me-up in my thermos. We all do it.
Flack: ‘Cept you got caught.

Suspect: So whaddya sayin’, I killed him?
Flack: He died somehow.

Danny: So I had the paper Carbon-14 tested. Means they count the number of radioactive particles given off. C-14 emits about 15 beta-radiations per minute per gram—
Maka: Ok, stop. How old?!

Stella [to Mac]: Put yourself in Bob Galanis’ shoes. Your daughter’s seeing a guy who can leap over rooftops and swing from trees—you’re never gonna be able to catch him. What’s the only option available? [Looks at jumper cables on the ground] Shock and awe.

Aiden: The difference is dimethyl-benzyl-ammonium.
Flack: Which is?
Aiden: Breaks down waste.
Flack: Got it. Two crappers, no connection.
Aiden: Welcome to my world—I got a dead guy with traces of disinfectants, deodorizers and fecal matter in a head wound—but no murder weapon and no suspects.

Aiden [realizing how her vic died]: Holy crap!

Flack [incredulously]: So, a crapsicle killed this guy.
Aiden: Plain and simple.

Danny [to Maka]: You know what? Leo Whitefield pissed someone off, and to find out who we gotta go back in time.

Danny: Whoa, hold on a second there, Ron. Mind if I take a look at your handkerchief?
Suspect: Why?
Maka: Because he asked you to.
Danny: Ron, that looks an awful lot like gunshot residue.
Suspect: I don’t know how that got there. I musta touched something.
Maka: Yeah, a gun?

Suspect: It was an accident.
Stella: Oh, your jumper cables accidentally connected themselves from your power box to your flag pole?!

Mac: You did this by yourself.
Kid Perp: How can you tell?
Mac: Your wagon told me.

Fun Episode Fact: The painting Danny is looking at in the gallery (and later makes fun of) was, in fact, painted by Carmine Giovinazzo!

112, “Recycling”

Detective Thacker [regarding vic’s record]: And one prior for assaulting a cab driver!
Danny: That still a crime in New York?
Stella: Hey, these guys [bike messengers] consider a summons a badge of honor.

Girl Bike Messenger: Whatchoo, an inspector or somethin’?
Danny: Yeah, somethin’ like that. NYPD. Crime Lab.
Girl Bike Messenger [indicating her boss]: That’s yo’ man. See ya, copper.
Bike Messenger Boss: She can handle my package any day. Am I right, or am I right?
[Danny holds up his badge]
Maybe not.

Danny: I’m lookin’ for the truth. You don’t seem so eager to deliver.
Bike Messenger Boss: Funny. Good pun.
Danny: Thanks for nothin’, hah?

Hawkes: Apparently riding a bike in New York is as dangerous as fighting Mike Tyson.
Stella: Playing chicken with buses and cabs’ll do that.

Hawkes [to Stella, as he hands over trace]: Ride like the wind.

Mac: A second dog?
Aiden: We have a witness.

Mac: I’ll take a look at it. Anything else?
Hawkes: I saved the best for last.
Mac: You always do.
Hawkes: When I first saw this, I thought it might’ve been a post-mortem dog bite.
Mac [looking at bite marks]: Those are no canine’s canines.

Danny [to Stella]: All right, let’s highlight all possible routes that he took to get from Point A to Point DOA.

Aiden [to Mac]: Did you ID our dog witness?

Mac [to Aiden]: It’s time for a lineup.

Mac [to dog owner, after finding blood on beagle’s paw]: Didn’t you teach your dog to wash his hands?

Aiden [to Mac, about dog who was jumping all over her]: Frisky little fella.

Danny: These bike messengers are outta their minds.

Bystander: What is this, like a crime scene or somethin’?
Stella: Or somethin’.
Bystander: Nice.

Danny [looking at pink swab]: This is the real deal here.

Stella [pulling Swiss Army knife out of grate]: Good for a million and one uses.

Danny: He [suspect] threw down with a horse-and-buggy guy?!

Stella: Well, if her [suspect] DNA’s on the murder weapon, she’ll be delivering mail at Hudson Correctional.

Suspect: Where’s your partner?
Stella: ‘Scuse me?
Suspect: The guy that was here yesterday. Mr. Crime Lab?
Stella: Guess you’re stuck with me.
Suspect: Pretty smart, sendin’ a woman. Figured I’d open up to you? Maybe have a little Oprah Winfrey heart-to-heart and I’d tell ya who killed Mikey?
Stella: Don’t expect me to buy you a car.

Suspect [talking about scrape on her leg]: Comes with the job.
Stella: What about murder—is that part of the job too?

Danny: Hey, don’t kill the messenger. [Grins] See what I just did there?
Stella: Yeah, that was cute!

Jane: You must be a mind reader.
Mac: I wish.

Flack [to suspect]: You don’t think the NYPD knows who runs book in this town?

Mac [to suspect]: Someone wears a nice shirt and that makes them a player?

Stella: We’re not here for a Megan’s Law visit, Mr. Gates. Although seeing you within ten feet of a child is nauseating. We’re here about Michael Starling.
Sex Offender Suspect: I’m sorry, am I supposed to know who that is?
Danny: Usually when ya stab somebody, ya know the guy’s name. It’s just common courtesy.

Suspect: I see. Was it a Swiss Army knife?
Danny: Nice job! Ya got it on the first try.
Suspect [to Stella]: Is it necessary that he be here?
Danny: What? Am I too old for you?

Suspect: Thanks for stopping by.
Danny: If you’re still here in five minutes, it’ll be your parole officer thankin’ me for stoppin’ by.

Aiden [to Mac]: I know that look.

[Danny is reading a women’s magazine]
Stella: If you wanted beauty tips, all ya had to do was ask.

Suspect: What’s this all about?
Stella: About 25 to life, give or take.

Perp: Hey, don’t judge me, lady. Just ‘cause I had the cojones to do what everyone walking down these streets wishes they could do on a daily basis.
Danny: Yeah, what’s that? Take an innocent life?!
Perp: Innocent my ass. Those freakin’ bike messengers. Think they own these streets.
Stella [disgustedly]: Pedestrian rage. Why do I even ask?!
[Stella walks out into the street and almost gets hit by a bike messenger]
Son of a b*tch!
Perp: Makes you wanna murder ‘em, don’t it?

Stella: Hey. Wrap up the dog show?
Mac: You know, the more people I meet the more I think about getting a dog. When was the last time we grabbed a bite to eat?
Stella: That wasn’t in the lab? Uh. . .sometime in the last millennium.

[Mac passes Stella a hot dog]
Stella: Boy, you really know how to treat a girl.

[Stella gives Mac a funny look]
Mac: What?
Stella: You’re not wearing a tie! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without one.
Mac: I never wear a tie to a dog show.

Stella: So, are we betting?
Mac: Sure. Couple bucks?
Stella: I got ten bucks on the basset hound.
Mac: Ten bucks. Okay, I’ll take the Doberman.
[Basset hound wins, Stella holds out her hand to collect her winnings]
Mac: You’re gonna make me pay?
Stella: Yeah I’m gonna make you pay!
Mac: I thought you were kidding.
Stella: Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.

113, “Tanglewood”

Mac: Lucky for us it happened out here. We have the best investigative tool money can’t buy. . .snow.

[Mac is stirring a pot of something yellowish-green]
Stella: Nothing like a little home-cooked forensics, huh Mac?
Mac: I always like working with pale sulfur. . .it’s so accommodating.
Stella: Smells like rotten eggs.
Mac: Means it’s almost ready.

Stella: All right—you wanna pour, or paint?
Mac: Pour.
Stella: I was hoping you’d say that.

Stella: Roll him [vic] over to his good side, would ya? I don’t want his mother to have to see him like this.

Aiden [to store owner]: Do you have surveillance here?
Flack [holding up videotape]: Say no more.

Stella: Hey Mac, how’s it goin’ with the bat?
Mac: I think. . .it’s a Mickey Mantle. If it is, it’s a collector’s item. Autographed bat from the Mick goes for about five grand these days.
Stella: Wow. Expensive murder weapon.

Danny: Ho! There she is. Crouching Aiden, Hidden Burn. You’re on this case, you’re on that case, you’re on the other case.
Aiden: What’s up with Rambo at the ME’s office? He psycho or what?

Danny [to Aiden]: Ah, bingo, baby! Got an infrared fingerprint on the unknown paint chip.

Mac: You beeped?
Jane: That was fast!
Mac [flirtatiously]: I know all the shortcuts to the ME’s office.

Danny: Marta Santos got somethin’ up her sleeve. . .on her sleeve is more like it.
Aiden: Is that sperm? What was this lady doin’?!

[Hawkes raises a tattoo on victim’s shoulder]
Hawkes: Tanglewood. Mean anything to you?
Mac: I haven’t spent much time there. But I know someone who has.

Danny [to Mac]: There’s no in date. You see right here? The real tattoo would have an in date, which is the day you joined—and an out date, which is the day you leave legitimately. Which, by the way, rarely happens.

Danny: Nowadays, it ain’t the mobsters you gotta worry about—it’s the next generation.
Mac: What’s the difference?
Danny: What’s the difference. What’s the difference? These kids don’t give a f---.
[Danny breaks off and flicks his hand out from his throat]

Suspect: I wanna apologize for my actions. I have anger management issues.
Danny: Ya think?

Danny: Mosta these rub-n-tug joints are owned by the Asian mob.

[Danny is looking around massage parlor room]
Danny: So this is where it all goes down.
Aiden: Or up. Make sure you keep your gloves on.
Danny: Y’know, I didn’t think it would be this clean.
Aiden: Come on! Act like you haven’t been to a place like this before.
Danny: Ya kiddin’ me? I got girlfriends for that. Why would I pay?
Aiden: Hey, you’re payin’ one way or the other! Trust me.

Aiden: What do you make of this?
Danny [peering into massage room’s linen basket and finding a multitude of stains]: Whaddya make of this?! S’Chernobyl.

Aiden [reading brochure]: Okay, here we go. ‘World-class massage focusing on deep tissue.’
Danny: ‘Deep tissue.’ That’s classic.

[Mac is in his office, adjusting his sidearm]
Danny: Is it safe to come in here?
Mac: Holsters bother me.

Mac: Look where you are today. You’re respected, you’re law-abiding, you’re performing an important civil service for the finest city in the world—you should be proud of that.
Danny: I am proud of that. I am.
Mac: Good. Now get to work!

Stella: Mac! I got pearls!
Mac: Pearls? From who?
Stella: Not those kind of pearls. Got good news on our case.

Mac: Pelham Bay? In that case, I’ve got pearls.

Mac [talking to gang kid trying on football team caps]: You should be tryin’ on baseball teams.
Flack: Yeah, we hear you’re pretty good with a bat.
Pelham Bay thug: Whaddyou guys, a coupla homos or somethin’?
Flack [yanking off thug’s hat]: I was about to ask you the same thing! NYPD, smart guy!
Thug: Hey, watch it, man—I got stitches!
Flack: Good.

Suspect: I was actually more pissed that they [doctors] shaved my head. It was ruinin’ my action with the ladies. [Looks at Stella] You vibin’ me?
Stella [wrinkling her nose]: No.

Bartender: What can I get ya?
Mac: Information.

[Mac, Stella and Flack walk up to Tanglewood boys, who are blasting Snoop Dogg out of their Range Rover]
Flack: Ho! You wanna turn that pollution down?

Secretary: I’m sorry, he [suspect]’s with some ad creatives right now.
Aiden: Oh, he’s been creative enough.

Suspect: I don’t understand. Why would I go there? I’m a happily married man. And my back is fine.
Danny: I’m sure your back’s fine, Mr. Lee.
Aiden: And it’s your front we’re interested in.

Danny [to suspect]: Great, we’ll be in touch.
Aiden: So to speak.

Stella [looking at Yankee bobblehead]: Who is that on the dashboard, Mickey Mantle?
Mac: Not sure. Kinda looks like Derek Jeter.
Stella: Derek Jeter. From the Yankees, right?
Mac [laughing]: Yeah.
Stella: Didn’t they get beat by Boston or something?
Mac: We were up 3-0 and then we got swept. But we’re tryin’ to forget that.
Stella: Right. Y’know, I’m not much into baseball—but A-Rod’s pretty hot!

[Mac looks underneath bobblehead’s helmet to find a red smear and tests it]
Mac: Positive for blood.
Stella: Gotta love Derek Jeter!

Aiden: Not a match?! What the hell’s goin’ on?!

Sonny Sassone: That’s right. That’s the way we do it. Mafia style. Ya look a man dead in the eye and watch the light go out. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would ya? Copper!
Mac: I’m a Marine, you little punk. I put men in the ground on foreign soil so you can sleep at night. But you wouldn’t know anything about that. Would ya? Kid. Lemme tell ya somethin’ about the Mob. Back in their heyday, these old-timers? They dealt in death and violence because of one thing: business. Not sport. They were smart. You punks are idiots.

Sonny: You’re gonna tell me about the Mob? Who are you? Whadda you two make in a year, hah?
Stella: Ninety-five thousand, seven hundred and fourty six dollars and thirty-two cents. And we earn every penny of it.
Sonny: I spend that a year on blow.
Stella: Yeah, I can tell.

Sonny: We [Tanglewood boys] have our own set of rules.
Mac: So do we. I got news for ya: you and your buddies are goin’ to Sing Sing regardless of who you’re connected to. Get your ass up.
Sonny: Danny Messer. He works for you, right? When ya see him, ya ask him what the odds of me are goin’ away. He knows all about us. And we know all about him.

Fun Episode Facts:
-This is the first CSI:NY episode that was directed by a woman (Karen Gaviola)
-Like the husband of victim Marta Santos, a grieving spouse really did crash through a pane of glass looking into the viewing room for the deceased at the New York Medical Examiner's Office! Yeowch!

114, “Blood, Sweat and Tears”

[Mac and Stella are looking at box containing stuffed-in victim]
Mac: Pretty sure this wasn’t the buried treasure our swimmer had in mind.
Stella: Coney Island—February? Water’s 35 degrees. People still find the need to take a dip. I don’t get it.
Mac: That’s why you’re not a polar bear.

Stella: We got our own forensic message in a bottle. . .or should I say trunk.

Stella: You got a shovel in your kit?
Mac [holding up his hands]: Just these.
Stella: Let’s dig.

Mac: Y’know, last July, Kobayashi won at Nathan’s again. Downed fifty-three and a half hot dogs in twelve minutes. S’a world record. You gotta admit that’s impressive.
Stella: And yet still nauseating.

[Mac and Stella yank the victim’s death box out of the sand]
Stella: That’s not a trunk! It’s a box!
Mac: It’s not a box. It’s a coffin.

Stella [looking at twisted-up contortionist vic]: Well, it’s safe to say he’s still in full rigor.

Hawkes: I can straighten him out, but it’s not gonna be a one-person job.
Stella: Mac’ll help you.

Aiden [regarding what turns out to be elephant hair]: That’s one hell of a fiber.

Flack: You gotta be a lucky sonofabitch to get a body down from a fifth floor apartment without anybody noticin’.

Flack: Both the super and the downstairs neighbors say they haven’t seen her [tenant] in over a week.
Danny: Yeah, well that don’t mean anything—I’ve lived in my apartment three years now, neighbors don’t recognize me.
Flack: Better hope you don’t go missin’, pal.

Hawkes: That’s the outside. But this guy came out of a sardine can. I wanna see what’s going on inside.

Danny [looking in garbage chute]: Our killer threw somethin’ away.
[Danny ducks out of the way of garbage hurtling down from an upper floor]
Flack [grinning]: He ain’t the only one.

Stella: You saw the box, Mac! C’mon! My microwave’s bigger.

[Mac and Stella are examining victim’s circus costume]
Stella: Sounds like sweat.
Mac: Smells like it, too.

Stella [to suspect]: Seems wherever the circus stops, you get in trouble.

Suspect: Take my coat! Take all my fingerprints! Take my spit if you want that too!
Stella: Oh, you can keep your spit! But I will take your coat.

Stella: Right. So who at the circus layers it on like Tammy Faye?

Mac: Clown Court?
Rosy the Clown: We handle things internally.
Mac: So do we. Hands on the table.

Suspect: I’m not a criminal.
Flack: Yes, you are. We’re just tryin’ to figure out what kind.

[Mac sees Danny looking frustrated]
Mac: Danny, breathe. It’s okay.

Mac: The evidence is there, Messer. You’re not yet. Keep at it.

[Hawkes bends vic’s fingers back to show his genetic flexibility]
Stella: Okay, I think we get the point.
Hawkes: One more.
[Stella gives Hawkes a look]
Hawkes: It’s relevant!

Danny: If Paige Worthy hadn’t been here for weeks, Lita hadda buy this food. But Lita never left the apartment.
Flack: This is New York, Danny—you can have anything delivered: groceries, dry-cleaning. If I’m jonesin’ for a pastrami sandwich at 3 in the morning, I call Annie at the deli. . .boom, done.

Mac: In the play, both Romeo and Juliet end up dead. Makes me wonder why our Juliet is still alive.

Flack [to perp]: Wait a minute. Spillin’ loomi was your way of comin’ onto her?! You were flirting?!

Danny: You thought she liked you.
Perp: She did like me.
Flack: Ever occur to you that you were misreading the situation, Aaron?!

115, “ ‘Til Death Do We Part”

Mac: Two dead doves, one dead bride—looks like foul play to me.

Mac: Could happen to you, you know.
Danny: What, marriage?
Mac: Love.
Danny: Don’t even say stuff like that, Mac—it’s not funny.

[Detective Maka walks up to Mac and Danny processing dead bride]
Maka: Gives new meaning to the words ‘cold feet.’
Danny: You know, if I would say somethin’ like that, you’d call me insensitive.
Maka: No—I would’ve asked you if you wanted to grab a drink later. I’m attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor.
Mac: You two wanna be alone? I’ll drag the body outside.
Maka [laughing]: Sorry, Mac.
Danny: She started it.

Mac: What’s the motive?
Danny: Motive to kill two birds and a bride on her wedding day? This one I gotta hear.

Flack: We found an abandoned car and a hand.
Stella: A hand? Whaddya mean, a hand?
Flack: A hand! A right hand, to be exact. Below the wrist. All fingers intact.
Aiden: You didn’t find anything else?
Flack [a little sheepishly]: I haven’t gone in yet.
Aiden: What?! Flack, you little scaredy-cat! You don’t believe these stories about this place being haunted?
Flack [indignantly]: I was doin’ my job, Aiden—getting statements from witnesses.
Aiden [sniffing]: Stella, you smell that?
Stella: Yeah. Chicken. [To Flack] Oh, but I did hear that one about the monk goin’ crazy and killed the others is true.
Flack [insistently]: The 122 gets calls of strange noises comin’ from this place all the time!
Aiden: Will you stop!? That’s just an old urban legend.
Stella [walking into warehouse]: Uh, Aiden? I think you better hold Flack’s hand.
Flack: Yeah, okay. Cute.
[Aiden looks laughingly at Flack as she waits for him to go in]
Ladies first!

Aiden: This place is old.
Stella: It’s been vacant for about fifty years.
Flack: Lotta high school kids hang out here. Initiations, gangs, satanic rituals.
Aiden: It’s a good place to get high or get laid.
[Flack scoffs and looks at Aiden incredulously]

Flack [regarding dismembered hand]: Now that’s kinda creepy.

Danny: You know what? Maybe we’re goin’ about this the wrong way. Maybe this isn’t about the birds. Why’d you kill Hannah Bloom?
Suspect: I didn’t kill that woman.
Maka: She speaks!

Convict [pulling up his shirt to show Stella his scar]: I’d show you the rest, but they might add a few years onto my stay.
Stella: Put your shirt down.

Suspect: What motive do I possibly have to kill her?
Mac: Walter Lithgow’s worth over 50 million dollars.
Suspect: Well, I promised my mother I’d marry for love.
Mac: Who couldn’t love 50 million dollars?

Stella: Hey Flack, go right back up those steps. We’re on our way back out.
Flack: Stella. Makes me nervous when you have plans.

Stella: I’m driving.
Flack: No, please—let me drive?
Stella: No.
Flack: You at least got a cracker or a piece of candy in the glove box?
Stella: Why?
Flack: Because when you drive, we don’t eat!

Flack [to suspect]: Hey, ya know what? We have all day. Keep playin’. You can be charged with murder in 10 minutes or 2 hours. Personally, I don’t care.

[Stella shows cashier photo of victim]
Cashier: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he’d been in here maybe two minutes before he caused a big ol’ thing about a seat at the booth.
Flack: A big ol’ thing?

Flack [to cashier]: Did they continue their big ol’ thing outside?

Aiden [to Stella]: Lady, I got a possible suspect with motive.

Aiden [to Stella]: Aw, come on. . .patience.

Stella: Gives us our timeline.
Flack: Nice. What’s wrong with good ol’-fashioned motive? What more do you need?
Stella: The motive doesn’t put him in that monestary!
Flack: You got a car that puts him outside of it!
Stella: Outside. Key word! C’mon—not at the crime scene! There’s a long list of people that wanted to see Amidori dead. I’m startin’ with that next name.
Flack: I’m done. I’m goin’ to the DA.
[Flack stalks out of the room]

Mac: Hannah Bloom was killed by her wedding dress?!

Convict: You got a vivid imagination, lady.
Stella: Nah. This is just the appetizer. Pack your stuff—you’re goin’ upstate.

Mac: I got a call from Flack.
Stella: I can’t believe he brought you into this! You know what? If he wants to arrest the kid, then fine! But I’m not goin’ to court to testify that the evidence was conclusive.
Mac: No, Stella—
Stella: No, this kid has had a bum rap every step of the way! I mean, his mother dies when he’s young, his father gets murdered, he—
Mac: --Stella—
Stella: --gets put into the foster care system (which is a beaut, let me tell ya)—now he may be convicted of a crime he didn’t commit!
Mac: Stella.
Stella: Flack had no—
Mac: Stella!
Stella: What?!
Mac: Your cell phone is off and you haven’t checked your messages. Flack called to say that he wouldn’t go to the DA until you both agree, and that he ‘didn’t mean to be so’—I think he said—‘thick.’
Stella [sheepishly]: Oh. Guess I may have overreacted a little.
Mac: Yeah!
Stella: You didn’t have to be so quick with your ‘yeah.’
Lab Worker: Here’s the jail visitor’s log.
Stella: Thank you. [Reads log and hits paper in exaltation] Robert Lugano got quite a few visits from Lance Moretti. Best part of the job!
[Stella squeals in delight, kisses Mac on the cheek and runs out of the room]

Mac: We gotta do something. Somewhere in this city, someone would be wearing another killer outfit.

Aiden: Yo.
Danny: Yo.
Aiden: I’ve narrowed the obituaries down to five initial PD’s who’ve died in the last three months.
Danny: Any of ‘em named Peyton Davis?
Aiden: Bachelor Number Three.
Danny: Found traces of his DNA on the handkerchief—
Aiden: Right.
Danny:--found him in CODIS. He was twice convicted of robbery—knocked off a couple clothing stores.
Aiden: Now that’s justice, hah? Guy’s lyin’ naked in the ground somewhere.

Perp: I want a lawyer.
Mac: Good. You’re gonna need one.

116, “Hush”

Stella: You didn’t really wake us up this early in the morning to tell us that you already solved the case, did ya Flack?

[Container is separated from flatbed, revealing a bloody mess underneath]
Stella: This is a bit more than a bag & tag. . .I’m gonna call Hawkes.
Mac: Tell him to bring a spatula.

[Aiden and Danny walk up to crime scene]
Vicaro: Hey, you wanna identify yourselves?
Danny: ‘Scuse me?
Vicaro: I'm not recognizing faces, do you want to identify yourselves?
Danny: Who are you, the crime scene troll? We gotta identify ourselves? You see the kits, you know who we are.
Aiden: We’re not here to fish. Who the hell are you?
Vicaro: Detective Vicaro. 3-4.
Danny: All right, yeah? Danny Messer, Aiden Burn, 1,2. This is our crime scene. So now why don’t you do me a favor and stop bustin’ my friggin’ onions and fill me in on the dead woman behind you?
Vicaro: 18-wheeler found on the side of the road. I responded, and now here I am.
Danny: Good for you. Aiden, do me a favor—tell him what’s what.
Aiden: We got it from here, Vicaro.
Vicaro: Bet ya do, bet ya do—CSI.

Danny: Maybe she [vic] was a hitchhiker.
Aiden: Who hitchhikes nude?

Aiden [looking at victim]: Maybe. . .vehicular manslaughter followed by rape?
Danny: First thing I learned on this job? Anybody can do anything to anyone.

Irate Shipyard Supervisor: Port Authority is on the way!
Hawkes: Now that we have a body, the ME’s office takes charge of it until it’s identified.
Supervisor: Well, then we’ll wait for him too.
Hawkes: That won’t be necessary. [Whips out his credentials] You’re lookin’ at him.

Danny: Hawkes. What’s under the sheet?
Hawkes: Spatula Man. You don’t wanna know any more than that.

Danny [looking at metal structure on front of truck]: What the hell is this thing?
Aiden [bending down and finding indicator button]: What the hell is this thing?!

Aiden: This girl was strapped upside down.
Danny: What the hell was goin’ on with this woman?

Aiden: Think she’s our dead body?
Danny: We’ll find out. Actually, you’re gonna find out.
Aiden: Me? No, no. Isn’t it your turn to break the bad news?
Danny: Don’t get all Oliver North on me, Aiden, all right? It’s your turn and you know it.

Chad: Somebody call for some oils?
Aiden: What are you, a scientist or a massage therapist?
Chad: Why, you want a rubdown or a refractive index test?

Mac [to Stella]: I just finished processing those knives. I can’t turn my back for a second.

Mac: Sounds like a sunshine bug.
Stella: Mm-hm! You can tell by the sunglasses and little shorts.
[Mac smiles]

[Mac and Stella open shipping container to find another body]
Stella: At least this one’s still in one piece.

Danny [regarding the processing of latex bodysuit]: You take the bottom, I’ll take the top.
Aiden: Nah, I like bein’ on top.
Danny: You gettin’ all freaky on me ‘cause we drew a bondage case?
Aiden: You wish.

Bondage Doorman: You must be the Andersons. You’re late for class!
Danny: Yeah, traffic was murder.

Mac: I gotta make this right, Stella.
Stella: You will.

Danny: It says Robo-Spanker. You believe people actually make this kinda stuff?
Aiden: Apparently so. Garage Joe does.
[Robo-Spanker turns on]
Whoa! That’s gotta hurt! No?
Danny: Why don’t ya try it?
Aiden: No!
Danny: Go ahead, try it!
Aiden: That’s sexual harassment, Danny.

[Aiden recovers hair from rack]
Danny: Get that to Jane Parsons in DNA. [Slaps table with paddle] Now.
[Aiden laughs, Danny smiles]

Danny [to suspect]: Where were you the night Debbie Bogden became a hood ornament on one of your fetish contraptions?

Danny: Uh-oh. Aiden. [Holds up video camera] Sex, Lies and Super 8.

Danny: You got two little kids at home—two little kids now with no mother and no father—for what? For what?! For some kicks?!
Aiden: Mr. Bogden, ya got anything to say for yourself, or are you just gonna sit there like a piece of furniture?
Danny: Sometimes, play life’s got real life consequences, and now we’re gonna put the two of you in a submissive position.

Danny: You hungry?
Aiden: Yeah.
Danny: Get a bite to eat? I’ll drive. Put you on the hood?
Aiden [smacking Danny in the arm]: Put you on the hood!

[Mac chases down suspect and whacks him in the head after suspect attempts to kill him with a piece of dock machinery]
Mac: You gotta be careful, Hannigan. Usin’ that equipment in my jurisdiction. . .someone could get hurt.

117, “The Fall”

Sergeant Gavin Moran: Can’t tell where the blood ends and the wine begins.
Stella: Actually, you can. Viscosity and color are different.
Moran [scoffing]: Scientists.

Moran: Locals know better than to go on record against the gangs.
Mac [holding up bullet]: Unfortunately for gangs, they can’t intimidate evidence.

Stella [seeing print on lighter]: Bingo.
Mac [pointing to surveillance camera]: Double bingo.

Moran [to rookie]: You use your flashlight more than anything on your belt. Always bring extra batteries.
Flack [stepping over crime scene tape]: Remember all the lessons, rookie. This guy likes pop quizzes.
Moran: All right, now. Don’t break his egg.
Flack: Oh, yeah, like you didn’t break mine for four years! C’mere.
[Flack and Moran embrace]
Good to see ya.
Moran [to rookie]: My former charge. Donald Flack, Junior. Son of the NYPD legend.

Flack [weaving through crowd]: Make a hole, folks!

Moran: I’m glad a few things stuck, Donny.

Hawkes: A guy this big couldn’t just fall through the awning?
Danny: It’s a canopy.
Hawkes: What?
Danny: Awnings cover windows, canopies run out to the curb. My uncle manufactures ‘em in Queens.
Hawkes: Either way, it’s a pain in my gluteus maximus.

Aiden: His [vic’s] grandfather owns a film studio. They’re like film royalty.
Danny: Well, no more red carpet treatment for him.

Danny: Were there any people at the party tonight that mighta had a problem with your husband?
Victim’s Wife: Definitely.
Danny: Well, you got a name?
Wife: You got a pen?

Stella [regarding surveillance tape]: Did you hear that? Thank you for bein’ stupid! We got a Hector.

Danny: No oxidation. The rail break is recent.
Aiden: Yeah, well, too bad birds can’t talk, ‘cause there’s a robin’s nest like, 12 feet away.
Danny: Bird’s eye view.
Aiden: Ya had to say it, right?
Danny: Whaddyagonnado?

Gang Member: You got nothin’ on us.
Mac: You murdered a man tonight, Perez. If there’s one speck of dust out there that proves it, we’ll find it. And you will answer for what you did.

Mac: What brings a prosecutor to a crime lab?
Prosecutor: We need an arrest on this one.
Mac [grinning]: That’s always my goal with homicide.

Mac: Moran was the first responder.
Flack: And that guy’s got a memory like an elephant.
Mac: Good. Ask him about it.

Flack: You were tryin’ to save a guy’s life. Easy to forget somethin’.
Moran: ‘Forget somethin’’? What is that, Taylor talkin’?
Flack: No, it’s me. C’mon. Don’t make this a thing.
Moran: It’s an old game—higher-ups screw up, blame the uniform. I never thought you’d partake, Donny.
Flack: Gavin. Gimme your memo book.
Moran: What’s that, an order?! Detective?
Flack: If you need it to be.

Hawkes [looking at vic’s body]: There’s a joke here about crashing the party, but I won’t go there.

Danny: Well, unless they were playin’ Twister, someone got physical with Melvin.

Danny: Tryin’ to match a fragrance here.
[Computer matches fragrance to woman in front of him]
Suspect: What’d I win?
Danny: A conversation.

Mac: I’m back to torture you.
Jane: One woman’s torture is another woman’s challenge.

Danny: Glute bruises came from a shoe?
Aiden: This season’s Feldman Stilletto.
Danny: Footprint database came through. Nice.
Aiden: Yeah, ‘cause Carrie Bradshaw’s always knockin’ off Savings & Loans. C’mon, they don’t database women’s shoes!
Danny [throwing his hands up]: Enlighten me, then.

Aiden: I measured the distance between the two bruises—the woman we’re lookin’ for wears a size seven.
Danny: Let’s go find Cinderella, then.

Mac [to Moran]: You tampered with evidence. My evidence.

Flack: Mac, if it was his [Moran’s] son—
Mac: Flack, I need your head on straight.
Flack: It is!
Mac: Good. Be ready to go hunting with me.

Aiden [looking through binoculars]: Did I mention I wish birds could talk?
Danny: Think ya did!

Danny: Most feared man in New York dies for fear of his own wife.
Aiden: And she was the only one that loved him.

Mac: Take off your jacket.
Gang Member Suspect: My jacket?
Flack: We got a warrant for it, maggot!

Mac: High-velocity chardonnay spatter.
Stella: Score one for the yuppies.

[Flack walks up the stairs to Moran’s desk]
Moran: They sent the big guns.

Flack: Ready?
Moran: You gonna hook me up here?
Flack: You and I are walkin’ outta here like we’re goin’ for a smoke.

118, “The Dove Commission”

Flack: ‘Scuse me! Cronkite! You can’t film in here! This is a crime scene.
Reporter: Please, please, please-- I was here before the shooting reporting on the Dove Commission Report! I’m, I’m well within my rights.
Flack: You keep filming, I’m gonna give you rights—and lefts. Now take a walk—now! Back to your nest, ya vultures.

Aiden: That’s a little harsh, doncha think?
Danny: I got issues with gypsy cab drivers.
Aiden: Oh yeah? What kinda issues?
Danny: Don’t worry ‘bout it.

Danny [regarding gypsy cab drivers and the cost of a Yellow Cab]: Pay it off for the rest of your life or pay it off with your life. That’s an easy decision in my book.

Hawkes [to Mac]: Pickling of the brain. Takes about ten to fourteen days for it to harden so that you’re able to dissect it. Anytime before that? J-E-L-L-O.

Hawkes: You know what my favorite game was as a kid?
Mac: Jacks?
Hawkes: Operation.
[Hawkes extracts bullet from vic’s body]
Mac: His nose didn’t buzz red. Well done.

Donna: Yes, it’s true, but I can’t let you take it [copy of Dove Commission report]. He [boss] would kill me!
Mac: Well, if he kills ya, I’ll be the one processing your crime scene—I’ll know it’s him, right?

Danny: How’s our gypsy cab driver, doc? Ya bring him back to life? So he can just tell us who killed him?
Hawkes: I haven’t attended that seminar yet, but his fingernails are doin’ a lot of talking.

Stella: How many casings you got?
Flack: I got one.
Stella: Five.
[Flack raises his eyebrows, impressed]
I’m lucky like that.

Flack: I can’t wrap my brain around this one.
Stella: At this point, neither can I.

Danny: Is it possible your father was seein’ someone on the side?
Aiden: Danny!
Victim’s Son: You wanna get this guy outta here before I do somethin’ stupid?
Aiden: Danny, let’s go! Come on.

Aiden: Whassamatter with you? This kid finds out two minutes ago that his father’s dead, that’s how you act?!
Danny: Somebody’s gotta ask the hard questions! That’s whatcha gotta do! I’m reacting to the evidence.
Aiden: No, you’re not! You’re just reacting.

Chad: Next, I’m gonna run the S-E-M G-S-R for y-o-u.
Mac: Skip the poetry, Chad. Get to it.

Flack [to obnoxious reporter]: All right, I’ll be back with a subpoena. And a muzzle.

Danny: Yeah, I’m sure you were just sharin’ stock tips with her [stripper], right? What’s her name?
Suspect: Savannah. But you know? I don’t think it was her real name.
Danny: Nah. Ya think?!

Mac [to suspect]: We’re gonna need to take the chopper and the remote.
Stella: And you.

Stella: Okay. You wanna put him in a box, play good cop/ bad cop? I’ll be bad cop!

Aiden [looking around strippers’ dressing rooms]: Holy boob jobs, Batman!

Danny: All right, do me a favor, ladies, hah? Which one of you is Savannah?
[stripper raises her hand]
Gonna need a word. In private. And I don’t mean the Champagne Room.

Danny: Why didn’t you just call the police?
Jamie: A stripper crying ‘attempted rape.’ Yeah, that would’ve gone over well.

Danny [to Aiden]: Is anything about this case makin’ sense to you?!

Aiden: Wow. If everything’s connected, I’m not gettin’ it.

Mac [to IAB official]: I can only look where the evidence leads me.

Stella [seeing IAB official leave Mac’s office]: Another day in paradise, huh?

Flack [to Mac and Stella]: Hey hey—I had to call in every favor I could to break this reporter’s chops. Thankfully I got a guy at Subpoenas R’ Us.

Aiden: We talked to him [suspect].
Danny and Aiden, in unison: He was at the crime scene.
Danny: Son of a b*tch!

Suspect: I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about!
Danny: Ya know what? Do me a favor—just, just shut up. Shut up! Save the song and dance, Paul.

Danny [to victim’s son]: New York City needs more men like your father.