* Did I miss a great quote? Send me a message or start a new thread and I'll fix that ASAP! :)--Ryder BPD*

Adam=teal
Angell=pink
Danny= red
Flack=blue
Hawkes=violet
Lindsay=indigo
Mac=dark red
Peyton= pale pink
Reed= light brown
Sid= green
Stella=olive green

Season 3

301, “People With Money”

[Flack is talking to three women]
Stella: Flack!
Flack: Hey.
Stella: Impressing your fans with your battle wounds?
Flack: They were concerned about my recovery—I was just puttin’ ‘em at ease.

Lindsay: So Flack, how many phone numbers did you get?
Flack: I don’t think I like where you’re goin’ with this, Monroe.
Lindsay: Really that many?
Flack: Three.
Stella: Everybody loves a hero.

Stella: It’s a stab wound—weapon is still inside. A little Statue of Liberty! With a light as its torch.
Flack: That’s a killer souvenir.

Flack [about building lights proposal]: Yeah, he [vic]’s definitely raised the bar for the rest of us.

Danny: Detective Angell.
Detective Jessica Angell: Messer. Doc.
Danny: What happened? I don’t see Benton breathin’ down your neck—he take the trainin’ wheels off?
Angell: You come all the way up here to bust my balls or to work, Messer?
Hawkes: Ooh, Angell got her wings, huh?
Angell [smiling]: Gimme a break.

Flack: And that was the last time you saw him?
Suspect's Father: Officers, you’ve asked the same question eight different ways. My daughter has told you she was not on the Brooklyn Bridge last night. Why don’t you tell us what happened to Sam—do you guys even have a suspect yet?
Flack: Hey, lemme make something very clear to you—
Mac: Mr. Lancaster, just give us a minute.

Sid: Did you know that when Egyptian princesses died, their bodies weren’t embalmed for several days—to prevent necrophilia! The natural degradation of the human body made it unappealing to even the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first—
Hawkes: Sid. Sid. You’re going to that creepy place again.

Danny: You get the license plate of the car that hit you, Clarence?
Suspect: That’s funny, man.
Danny [holding up suspect's tooth in evidence bag]: Why don’t you try throwin’ this underneath your pillow—the Tooth Fairy might leave you a little somethin’ somethin’.
Suspect: I’m bustin’ a gut here. You should take this show on the road, you know that?

Stella: So who came by and grabbed those keys?
Peyton: I’d look for someone who’s pregnant. The trace on your lipstick print? Came back as prenatal vitamins.
Flack: I think she means vitamins.

Bodyguard: Whatever the client decides to do is their business. I just make sure they’re not hassled by the low-lifes.
Danny: Does that include using her stomach as a margarita glass?

[Lindsay puts tie around Mac’s neck]
Lindsay: Here. A little demonstration.
Stella: I love it when she does this.

Perp [in cuffs]: Nobody embarrasses me. My daughter. My family.
Mac: I’m sure this is a very proud moment for all of you.

302, “Not What It Looks Like”

[Lindsay examines piece of jewelry with her flashlight]
Danny: Don’t even think about it, Montana.
Lindsay: This necklace is worth more than I make in a year. That’s crazy.
Danny: I don’t see the big deal with diamonds—they’re just an allotrope of the element carbon.
Lindsay: Spoken like a true romantic.

Mac: You okay?
Angell: It’s my first mummy. Dehydrated flesh takes some getting used to.

Lindsay: Danny, you’ve been staring at that same piece of glass for five minutes. Can I bag it for you, or are you waiting for it to turn back into sand?

[Danny walks out of elevator with dog]
Danny: What?!
Hawkes: You know what they say about dogs and their owners—the resemblance is uncanny.
Danny: That’s funny. Yeah, that’s funny.
Hawkes: Y’know, Messer, I always imagined you with something a little meatier.
Danny: He’s a loaner.
Hawkes: Yeah, I’m sure he is.
Danny: I’ll be in reconstruction, ya clown.

Danny: Boom.

Mac: I’m not in the business of providing sound bytes. More importantly, I don’t rush the science. Tell that to the D.A.

Flack: Yeah, ya see, that’s what plants do. They’re bearers of misinformation.

Stella: Tell me you got a name.
Hawkes: You know I do.

Danny: And the guy who owns the mail drop remembers Beth as ‘one hot party-stopper’.

Stella: If Beth was studying physics and Natalie was studying engineering. . .
Danny: . . .both minoring in robbery and homicide.

[Danny hands Flack bag of recovered diamonds]
Danny: Merry Christmas.
Flack: Nice.

Danny: That’s puttin’ your college education to practical use.

Episode Fun Facts:

-In the scene where Stella and Hawkes are walking down the street across from Radio City Music Hall, the knish Stella is supposedly eating is really a pretzel. Melina Kanakaredes didn't want to eat the knish. :)
-After this episode aired, the writers/producers recieved complaints about Peyton's supposedly "fake" British accent. . .but that's Claire Forlani's real speech pattern!

303, “Love Run Cold”

Lindsay: She was stabbed with an icicle?!
Danny: That’s cold.

Danny [to Lindsay]: It’s been a long time since I been stood up on a date.

Lindsay [regarding feathers]: From our killer?
Danny: If they are, looks like he flew da coop.

Sid: Cause of death was definitely not natural. He was in superb shape—lungs, heart, all the vital organs near perfect.
Mac: So you’re saying he’s actually still alive.

Sid: Interesting case. Tonya Nettles was stone-cold sober.
Danny: Aren’t most people when they’re at work? Sid?
Sid: I’ll ignore the implication of your question, Detective.

Flack: Colin Flynn?
Danny: NYPD. Gotta couple of questions for you.
Suspect: Do I have to answer?
Flack: I’m a cop, not a lawyer. But yeah, ya do.

Flack [to suspect]: You sure you didn’t hurt yourself at work last night? Maybe playing peek-a-boo with some of the girls?

Suspect: You chargin’ me with somethin’?
Danny: You want us to?

[Danny lifts palm print from car]
Flack: That was good.
Danny: Ya like that?
Flack: Yeah!

Lindsay: So what else do we got?
Danny: Wanna go get some lunch?
Lindsay: Danny, Mac wants us to wrap this up.
Danny: Sure, but he doesn’t want us to starve to death!
Lindsay: What else did Adam say?
Danny: Whaddya mean?
Lindsay: I mean, that’s who you were talking to, right?
Danny: Yeah, but what makes you think he said anything else?
[Lindsay puts her hands on her hips]
Danny: Wha. . .I just wanna go get somethin’ to eat! All right, the gum you found—he matched it to the dental impressions of the vic—nothin’.
Lindsay: DNA, teeth impressions, both negative?
Danny: Negative.
Lindsay: I’m gonna go back and look at the gum.
Danny: No no no no, Adam looked at the gum! I just wanna grab a slice! I’m starvin’ here—where am I?!

Suspect: Look, I told you what happened. My dad’s a lawyer. You want my prints, you talk to him.
[Suspect walks away]
Lindsay: Believe me, I will.

Mac: We got a COD on Psycho yet?
Hawkes: Two guesses. No. One.
Stella: Carbon monoxide.
Hawkes: Somebody told you.

Danny: Tonya’s boyfriend said he was up in Beaverkill—it’s up in the Catskills. Fresh water. Trout fishing central.
Lindsay: Well, I think we just got a bite.

Flack [to suspect]: Make your own flies? That was a question.

Flack: And when we asked to examine your suit? Remember that? Yeah? We were lookin’ for grease from the hydraulic lift in the basement at the club. Well guess what? We found so-me!

Danny [to Lindsay]: I’m talkin’ about spendin’ some time together—dinner, a few drinks, some laughs.

304, “Hung Out To Dry”

Stella: Whaddya got?
Flack: Amy Fiedler. 22 years old and a member of Sigma Delta Theta. Brittany and Kevin came up to do the nasty, instead they discover the nasty.

Stella: Witnesses? Well, sober ones?
Flack: Nah, I waited for you to get here before I started my interviews. I’m lookin’ forward to that too, by the way. I swear to you, if one of them calls me bro. . . .

Flack: I’m gonna go deal with the Greeks.

Frat guy: It’s called Edward 40-hands—you know, like Edward Scissorhands except with 40s?
Flack: Get outta here.
FG: No, seriously, that’s what they call it.
Flack: No, no, I mean get outta my face. I never wanna see you again. Go.
FG: Whatever, bro!

Danny [to Shane Casey]: Do me a favor, though, gimme a call if you hear anything. You’re the only normal sober guy at this party.

Sid: But I bet she didn’t feel a thing. She was probably unconscious—her blood alcohol level was .26. The highest I’ve ever registered was .23—but that was in celebration of my first divorce. I fell down a flight of stairs, didn’t feel a thing—
Mac: Is there anything else, Sid?

Lindsay: Prints were a bust. AFIS was about as helpful as FEMA.

Stella: Who called it in?
Flack: Richard Simmons back there says he took a break from Jazzercisin’ when he noticed his dog diggin’ under a rock. Only it’s not for a bone.

Danny [to Shane Casey]: You might wanna think about doin’ some laundry.

Suspect: Semiotics, it’s the—
Mac: Theory and study of signs and symbols, especially as elements of language. Also referred to as Semiology.
Suspect: Ah, so you two are the smart cops.
Danny: Yeah, somewhere along the way we learned to read.

[Lindsay, Stella and Flack walk up to victim with spikes driven through his eyes]
Lindsay: This guy’s not subtle, is he?
Stella: There’s meaning behind everything he does.
Flack: Like ‘I’m whacked outta my gourd’? That kind of meaning?

Sid: Well, as a certified Medical Examiner I can tell you with a degree of certainty that he was not pecked to death by a peacock.

Stella: Did some research on Hydra.
Mac: Whoa, whoa, research? You’re Greek! Don’t you know all that stuff?
Stella: Even we Greeks have to brush up on our mythology once in a while.

Danny: Trump Tower. We gotta thing for the Donald or what?
Stella: It’s the hair.

Danny: That’s Hypnos—the god of sleep. Didn’t think I knew my Greek mythology, did ya?

Danny: So is this guy goin’ all Da Vinci Code on us or what?

Danny: No no no, don’t do it, man!
[Shane Casey jumps from one balcony to the other]
Son of a b*tch did it.

305, “Oedipus Hex”

Flack: Welcome to Rucker—Rucker Park. It’s Mecca in this city for anyone who’s ever put up a jump shot.
Mac: Kareem, Kobe. . .they all played here.
Flack: Right. Not to mention yours truly.
Stella: Really?
Flack: Yeah, I’ve been the resident Larry Bird five years runnin’.

Danny: Lemme give this dummy a beatin’.
Lindsay: Wait! Let me get out of the way!

Stella [to Mac]: Hey. I’m in partial print hell over here with this glass from Chopper’s arm.

Suspect: You feel me?
Mac: No, I don’t feel you. But if I find out you’re lyin’, you’re gonna be feelin’ me.

Lindsay: Okay, out with the gum. Razzi, do you need me to give you a time out?
[Razzi spits gum onto table]
Classy.

Al Suicide [to Lindsay]: You’re a scientist, you know glucose is murder on pleather.

Stella [reading prayer card aloud to herself]: ‘In my darkest moment, when all seems lost, you are at my side.’
Mac: I appreciate you too, Stella.

Stella: I’m gonna stay here, see if I can’t make a deal with the devil.

Danny: Wymonster. That’s your name? What’s with all the nicknames these days? Do me a favor, Wymonster—take your boots off my desk.

Stella [reading back of watch]: ‘To Clay, Love Lily.’
Moody: Never seen it before.
Flack: Nice try. Did you forget I was right behind you in the alley when you decided to have your liquidation sale?

Moody: You know how interest mounts up.
Flack: The only things mounting up in your world, brother, are charges.

Episode Fun Facts:

-The Suicide Girls are a real organization. Started in Portland (Oregon) in 2001 by Missy Suicide, their purpose is to recognize and celebrate beautiful women outside of mainstream media.
-There are Suicide Girls on every continent, including Antarctica!
-Nixon Suicide is a taxidermist.
-Carmine Giovinazzo really did get slapped for the scene where he tells Omen Suicide's mother about her death. And had to do multiple takes too!
-The music playing in the scene where Al Suicide beats up Wymonster is done by Al Suicide's band, The Cassandra Project.

306, “Open and Shut”

Suspect: No way. I know my rights.
Flack: We have rights too. They’re called warrants.

Flack: You’re the stylist, right? Tess Larson, yeah? We don’t need to talk to you right now. Could ya leave us alone, please?

Flack: Hey! So I went down to the deli to get a cinnamon twist—ran into a friend of ours.

Suspect: Whatever. Why do you guys keep harassing me?
Flack: We tend to do that when we think someone’s guilty of murder.

Flack: So you’re tellin’ me this whole thing was a publicity stunt?
Suspect: Look at Kate Moss. She’s gotten over 9 international covers since she was videotaped doing coke.
Flack: Stand up.
Suspect: What are you doing?
Mac: We have enough evidence to charge you on probable cause.
Suspect: But I told you I didn’t do anything!
Mac: You were at the scene of a homicide, you took the camera out of the victim’s hand.
Flack: Look at it this way, kid—it’s free publicity.

307, “Murder Sings the Blues”

Flack: Building’s got a central vac, Danno—check this out. Open that, stick the hose in—
Danny: Yeah, I know how it works, Flack.

Danny: I hate rich people. Fan-tastic.

Stella: Looks like the head off a wedding cake topper. What’s a bride doing inside Manhattan’s most eligible bachelor?

Flack: These apartments start at over 2 million bucks and you can hear through the walls?!

Mac [to suspect]: Let’s cut the crap.

Mac [to suspect, about airplane]: Don’t fly that thing too low. I’m gonna keep you on my radar.

Stella: Doesn’t prove that Veronica was the one who killed Grant Jordan.
Flack: Huh. Try some of the flourless chocolate torte. Might help.

Flack: Do you, Stella Bonasera take Veronica as a crazy with a motive?
Stella: I do.

308, “Consequences” (For all my EMs, this is the episode with Eddie Cahill's commentary!)

Mac: Looks like our only witness [Nutcracker balloon] is full of hot air.

Stella: They usually hide and ship those drugs in printer toner cartridges.
Flack: Get outta here! You gotta have a Master’s in Chemistry just to run drugs these days.

Mac: And you're sure it was just 50 kilos?
Flack: Yeah, we didn't miss anything, Mac. Why, what's goin' on?
Mac: We found traces of cocaine at the warehouse last night. Same chemical makeup as the cocaine confiscated in your raid.
Flack: Okay.
Mac: 50 kilos along with cutting agents were secured as evidence and those same 50 kilos got destroyed. If the drugs were recovered and then burned, it doesn't add up.
Flack: If? Did you say if?! So you think there was more cocaine at that raid and that someone--one of my guys--skimmed from the stash?
Mac: I'm just askin' questions, Don.
Flack: No, you're not just askin' questions, Mac, come on! I know you. You wouldn't be here talkin' to me if you hadn't already tracked the chain of custody, checked Property and called the DEA. And lemme tell ya somethin'--the coke that came from that raid wouldn't last 6 months on the street. So what is this? My interrogation?
Mac: You're overreacting.
Flack: Well, maybe I am! But lemme save ya a little bit of time. None of my guys took a thing.
Mac: You can't be sure of that! You weren't there--you just said you didn't remember!
Flack: It didn't happen, Mac.

Adam: Hey Danny, you remember that rust stuff you found in the alley?
Danny: Rust stuff—rust stuff?! You respect the time it took me to collect that—at least call it trace.

Adam: See where I’m goin’ here?
Stella: Bear blood, molasses, leaves with human blood on them, a spike and a jagged edge—you’re talking bear trap.
Adam: Yes! You win the washer and dryer.

Adam: Bang bang, Tanaka gets shot, Cyrus walks out, steps in the trap while Tanaka bleeds to death inside the warehouse. Moral of the story? All right? Stick with bowling. What up?
[Danny laughs, Danny and Adam fist pound]

Danny [to Adam]: Thanks for confusin’ us.

Stella: We’ve arrested people for a lot less. Now sit down, Darren.

Prisoner [to Flack]: This a conjugal visit? Huh? You tryin’ to screw me again?

Verna [holding out colander]: Protects you! So they can’t read your mind.
Flack: We’re good. Thanks.

Fun Episode Facts:

-Although this episode is set in the fall, in actuality it was shot over a series of very hot days in Los Angeles. The actors were all quite overheated in their long coats.
-Writer and co-producer Pam Veasey has the poster of Cyrus Menlo up in her office--she says it serves as good inspiration. :)
-Eddie Cahill says his favorite addition to the CSI:NY set between Season 1 and 2 was the breakroom--"so Flack has a place to go."
-In the commentary, Eddie jokes with Ms. Veasey that he would've liked to bust out a few kung fu moves on Mac when he has to hand over his memo book.

309, “And Here’s To You, Mrs. Azrael”

Hawkes [to head doc]: If we find that it was someone on your staff that killed this young woman, and you’re withholding information, I’ll not only put that person behind bars but you as well.

Sid: You can’t spend the holidays alone again—I’ll drag you if I have to.
Mac: You’re gonna have to add some meat to that skinny frame of yours if you’re gonna be makin’ threats—and I was about to say I do have plans this year, thank you.

[Danny comes in with coffee stained shirt. . .and takes it off! :) ]
Danny [to Hawkes]: Do you believe this? Bean-A-Rama house blend, ya know, the lid wasn’t on right? It’s just one of those days when I wish I woulda just taken that construction job with my uncle, ya know?

Adam: Ah, hey, I was tryin’ to reach you guys!
[Danny tosses Adam his phone]
Danny: Cell phone drowned.
Adam [sniffing phone]: Yeah. . .Bean-A-Rama House Blend. . .I was a coffee sommelier in college—chicks and stuff, they’d come in—
Danny: You were lookin’ for us.

Flack: Matt Huxley!
Suspect [from underneath car]: Who wants to know?
Flack: New York’s finest.

[Mac and Flack chase down suspect, Mac throws him on the hood]
Mac: Why ya runnin’, sport?! Hands on the hood, let’s go!
Flack: Didn’t appreciate that, Matt! See, this here’s a new pair of pants, and I don’t get uniform allowance. So I suggest you make it up to me by makin’ the rest of this very easy.

Flack: Check out what Mr. Goodwrench had in his back pocket—set of lock pick tools.
Matt: What can I say? I’m always losin’ my apartment keys.
Flack: Hey! What’d I tell you about makin’ this easy?

Flack: You got some ‘splainin to do, Matty Boy. If not, you’re going back to jail, and this time for life. It’s gonna make that stint you did for jackin’ a car feel like a week in Cabo.

Flack [to Stella]: You can tell your team to put their test tubes away, ‘cause this thing’s about to bust wide open.

310, "Sweet 16"

Flack: They picked today for the stunt 'cause the conditions were perfect.
Danny: Yeah, well, there's a slight change in forecast to, uh, cloudy with a chance of birds.

Flack: I always thought these things [pigeons] were just flyin' rats.

Flack: All right, I'll reach out to the National--Pigeon--whatever it is and see if I can't figure out who owns these birds.

Hawkes: CLK-350. Betcha the kid doesn't even have her driver's license yet.
Lindsay: Well, nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a $60,000 car. You know, when I turned 16? I got my mom's used Pinto. I loved that car.

[Mac examines body with pigeon sitting on top of it]
Mac: Full rigor.
Danny: You just gonna ignore the bird?

Danny [looking at blood spatter]: This looks pretty.

Sid: Well, the unfortunate Mr. Archerson did have a close encounter of the reptile kind. That was not what killed him.

[Mac starts to take his coat off, Danny walks up with results]
Danny: You might wanna keep that coat on, boss.

Stella: So we've got two unanswered questions: the hair and the whiskey. I say we hit the bottle first.

[Mac releases suspect from his grasp, Flack runs up]
Flack: What the hell was that? You had him, and you let him go?!
Mac: Kid doesn't have a summer house in the Hamptons. Trust me, he'll be around.
Flack: Trust you?
[Flack laughs sarcastically]
Mac: What's that s'posed to mean? You got a problem with me, just say it.

Flack: Mac, I hope you're right about this kid. 'Cause if the blood on that cage matches our vic, your instincts just let our murderer go.

Stella: Let's see who may have had a fondness for whiskey.
[Print database comes up negative]
Well, the Archersons didn't invite any criminals to their party.
Hawkes: Well, the quest list was 90% kids, and unless they're robbing banks between classes they're not gonna be in the system.

Stella: You're teling me it doesn't bother you that one of your friends' fathers was murdered?
Suspect: Do you think it bothers anybody?
Stella: You're one screwed-up little kid.

Mac: I can't imagine. Spends all this time lookin' for his biological mother and then he finds out Claire no longer exists.
Stella: She exists, Mac. In your memory, in your heart. You can show him who she was.

Mac: Jesse Quinn broke his collarbone on September 5th of last year. In November, a broken finger. In March, two broken ribs. This summer, a shoulder sprain. Four instances this year.
Flack: Maybe the kid plays football.
Mac: In January?

Danny [releasing pigeon into the air]: Houston, we have liftoff.

Flack: Sit.
Suspect: You sit down!
Flack: Wrong answer.

311, "Raising Shane"

Gerrard: Hey! How many times I gotta tell you to get your team outta here, Bonasera? Or you're gonna have two of your guys under arrest. Seem you and Taylor got a knack for hiring high-tech geeks. With a penchant for committing felonies.
Danny: Why don't we step outside, Grandpa, and I'll show you what kind of geek I am?!
Stella: Danny, get the hell out of here. Now!
Gerrard: Someday, I'm gonna beat some sense into that kid.
Stella: Lemme tell you somthing. You threaten a member of my team again and I promise you I will make it my personal mission to have your badge.

Stella: I hate the view from this side of the tape.
Lindsay: So now what do we do?
Danny: Scratch our asses while these guys decide Hawkes' fate.
Mac: We do our jobs.

Danny [picking up porno title]: The Art of W*ore. 'When a soldier's unit is taken by surprise. . . .'
Stella: Danny.
Danny: What? You don't want me to ruin the ending for ya?

Tom: Welcome to Peepin' Toms. You all lookin' for anything in particular?
Stella: Lemme guess--Tom?
Tom: The man, the myth.
Stella [flashing badge]: Detective Bonasera--the law, the order.
Tom: Booth number three.
Stella:Thank you.
Tom: Freakin' junkies. I'm tryin' to run a reputable business here.
Danny: Reputable? You kiddin' me?

[Danny and Stella find Angell bending over victim in peep show booth in his boxers]
Danny: We interruptin' anything here, Detective?
Angell: Cute.

Angell: I figured a dead guy in his skivvies on the floor of a peep show booth constituted suspicious circumstances.

Danny: Why would somebody wanna take down Hawkes? And why this way?
Mac: Because someone's trying to prove a point. A bartender took two shots in the chest. The arrest was made based on the ID of a single eyewitness--the bouncer. It's not much evidence to go on. The average citizen might believe that the justice system doesn't work. Sound familiar?
Stella: Shane Casey.
Danny: That son of a b*tch is back.

Danny: Whaddya mean, you took the needle out of his arm? Suddenly you're story's changing. You familiar with obstruction of justice, Tom?

Danny: I know what it's like to want to believe, Shane--I really do. You say to yourself over and over again that there's no way he could do this. Not this. I know what it's like.

312, "Silent Night"

Danny [holding up substance that changes color]: What the heck is this stuff? [to victim] What's it doin' on you?

Stella: Frank V. Hunt?
Danny: Yeah, why?
Stella: He sent over 100 postcards to Krista Palmer where he cut photos of himself out and put them in the picture next to her.
Danny: Ugh. Superfan.
Stella: Super creepy, if you ask me.

Stella: Lindsay.
[Lindsay turns around]
Stella: You can talk to me off the record--I mean, you know that, right?
Lindsay: What do you want me to say?
Stella: You left the crime scene, Lindsay. I covered for you, but--
Lindsay: Yeah, thanks.
Stella: Look, if you have a problem, you should tell someone. I'm just trying to help.
Lindsay: Well, don't. Okay? Just leave me alone.
Stella: Clearly, I made the mistake of trying to be your friend here. So, I'll be your boss. When you're requested at a crime scene, you show up and do your job. Speaking of your job, I expect to see you in Autopsy this afternoon.

Danny: Amazing stuff you have here, Dr. Howard: it was green, boom--now it's red.

Stella: All the letters are the same--they're full of equations and symbols.
Danny: I hated physics.
Stella: Yeah, me too.

Seth: My baby? No way.
Flack: You're tellin' us you didn't know Allison was pregnant? Is this not your name on Elizabeth's birth certificate?

Mac: Seth, we're thinkin' Allison asked you to step up to the plate, man up. But you just weren't ready to settle down so you decided to do somethin' about it.
Seth: Wrong. Look, I suppose there's a possibility. I could be the father. But I had no idea until you told me. You think I'd marry her? She's deaf!
Mac: You're a real piece of work.
Flack: What Detective Taylor meant to say is you're a scumbag with an 80 dollar haircut who killed his girlfriend because she decided to have his baby.

Mac: Looks like Seth won't be handing out any cigars in prison--the DNA came back negative.

Lindsay: I could use a friend here, Stell.
Stella: You got one, kiddo.

Stella [to suspect]: We know you were at that ice rink. What happened, did it get a little boring in Gadgetland?

Flack: We hit Cole's apartment, he wasn't there, but we found a lot of brand-new baby stuff. Crib, diapers, formula. Cole was gettin' ready to play daddy.

Gina: Thank you. You helped me. And I wish I could help you now.
Mac: What makes you think that something's wrong?
Gina: I speak with my hands. You speak with your eyes.

Mac: Look into my eyes, because I need you to hear me. I can't promise that I won't ever be hesitant or cautious. But I'm committed to making this work. Trust in me, Peyton. I don't wanna lose you.

313, "Obsession"

[Angell, Danny and Hawkes are looking at half-naked vic in a shopping cart in the snow]
Danny: This guy's got some major fashion issues. Somebody shoulda mentioned it was winter.

Angell: Shopping carts pulled by cheerleaders? And bunnies!
Hawkes: Guess our vic's out of the race.
Danny: And he finished dead last.

Mac: Who found him?
Flack: Couple kids came into the 3-5, said a friend's football may have accidentally killed a man. I locked 'em up for fun.

[Adam arrives on crime scene with scarf, knit hat, and down jacket]
Danny: Stop shiverin' like a girl, Adam. It's not even that cold out!
Adam: I'm from Phoenix--85 degrees is considered freezing!
Danny: Cupcake.

[cart race teams go by]
Angell: Wanna go shopping?
Danny: I'll race ya to the finish line.

Hawkes: A woman hit our vic that hard in the head? Enough to kill him?
Sid: Hell hath no fury. . . .

Sid: Our vic consumed quite a bit of alcohol, which in this case was a good thing, because he was shot with a price tag gun shortly before he died.
Hawkes: He didn't feel the pain, but in the end he paid the price.

Sid: Close examination of stomach contents reveals your vic ate fresh strawberries shortly before he was killed.
Stella: Fresh strawberries in the dead of winter? No--no pun intended.

Stella: So we're possibly looking at New York City's best-dressed kidnapper.

[Flack comes up to suspect and knocks hot dog out of his hand]
Flack: Artemis! Sorry to ruin your breakfast, pal--you missed your last meeting with your parole officer.

Flack: Let's go.
Artemis: C'mon, man, what's this all about?
Flack: Parole violation--and I don't like you.

Danny: So our murderer is a one-legged, barefoot woman who's got serious kung fu skills.

Danny: You were dressed as a dominatrix.
Suspect: That's not violent. It's fun. Why don't you make an appointment and I'll show you?
Danny: I'm not into--uh--fun. But thank you.

Mac: Alex Martin was a real estate agent. Made a lot of money selling brownstones, including the one we found him in.
Stella: Real estate turned kidnapper? Market must be really bad. There's evidence that our brunette hostage was shoved in the back of this trunk.
Adam: Along with a horse.
Mac: It's a small car, Adam.
Adam [laughing]: Traces of a horse.

Suspect: Hold on. You think I know where she [hostage] is?
Mac: There was evidence of wood shavings and traces of Harley's medicine in the trunk of a car.
Flack: And we're fairly certain the horse didn't do it.

Danny: Besides, we're lookin' for a woman. So unless this homeless guy's got tiny feet and paints his toenails, we got nothin'.

Danny: Lemme tell ya--Delfina's, they had the best mozzarella.
Hawkes: I never really had the real mozzarella.
Danny: Yeah?
Hawkes: Yeah.
Danny: You're comin' over to my mother's on Sunday.
Hawkes: Yeah? I'm takin' you up on that.
Danny: All right.

Danny [to dog]: Where's your owner?
Hawkes [holding up mannequin leg]: I think I just found her.
Danny: You gotta be kiddin' me.

Danny: Boom.

Stella: Tell me something, Terry--what were you doing outside the brownstone looking in at the exact same time Liz was there?
Suspect: You can't prove that.
Stella: Actually, that's where you're wrong. Because I captured time. With a little superglue and a snowflake.

314, "The Lying Game"

Stella: What's a woman doing in the men's bathroom?
Flack: Oh, I could think of a few reasons. All with happier endings.

Hawkes: Oof! Our Jane Doe's heavier than she looks.
Flack: Check out the size of her feet!
Hawkes: And hands.
Stella: She's had her breasts surgically enhanced.
[Flack lifts vic's skirt with a pen and looks underneath]
Flack: That'd make that a John Doe.

Flack: You might wanna start with Congressman Eric Garth from Connecticut. He was at the Taxes & Trades banquet and a woman matching our vic's description got into it with him in the banquet hall. Angry words were exchanged.
Hawkes: Well, maybe he knew she was a he.
Stella: Or maybe he didn't.

Stella: What do you think, Sid--are we lookin' at a hate crime here?
Sid: Transgendered showgirl drowned in a public toilet? Sound like love to you?

Flack: Here's the official statement: 'The Congressman is often approached by constituents who feel passionately about their issues, and he is always grateful to hear their opinions.'
Lindsay: Sounds like he's up for re-election.

Stella: Whose curling iron is this?
Drag Queen: That's Bambi's. You touch that, you're asking for a world of trouble.
Stella: Where's Bambi now?

Flack: Altercation with Congressman Garth sounds a tad more heated than his aides let on.
Stella: Also sounds more personal.
Flack: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Stella: Are you thinkin' there was a little hanky-panky goin' on between Quentin and the Congressman?
Flack: Oh yeah.

[Mac and Danny pull skateboards off office wall]
Victim's co-worker: Dude, some of those boards are crucial collector's items.
Mac: And we're collecting them.

Danny: How'd they get the body outta here? 'Cause this neighborhood's pumpin', even at night.

Danny: Hey. The elemental composition from the grip tape is an exact match to the trace from Gallagher's facial wound. Also has his blood on it.
Mac: Our murder weapon [skateboard].
Danny: My mom always said these things were dangerous.

Flack: All right, I'll get on the horn with Connecticut PD and tell 'em we need that case file.
Hawkes: Nah, that could take days--it's like pullin' teeth with those people.
Flack: Hey, it's a 45 minute ride. If I have to, I'll pop in a book on tape and head up there myself.

Mac: You're tough, Lindsay. You'll pull through this.

[Danny slows to look for an address, car behind him honks]
Danny: Whoa, relax! Take it easy!

Mac: We're investigating a homicide. We believe your company was used to create an alibi for that homicide.
Absolute Alibis employee: Our clients sign contracts agreeing that Absolute Alibis cannot be used for illegal purposes.
Mac: Just immoral ones, huh?

Lawyer: All right, enough. I thought you agreed the questions would be limited to last night's event.
Flack: We recanted. DNA from Sarah Conrad's rape kit matches DNA we found under Quentin's fingernails. A hundred people witnessed Quentin clawing at you last night. Now I didn't go to Yale here, boys, but even I can do the math.

Stella: Any interesting new scratch marks, Congressman?
Congressman: I'm afraid you'll have to get a warrant to undress me, Detective--or at least buy me a drink.

Congressman: And I resent that my word as a public servant for the past eight years would be a questioned because of the beliefs harbored by a drag queen.
Stella: Huh. Your word is being questioned because you're a politician.

Stella: He [Congressman] just got his DNA and prints all over that baby's rattle.
Flack: Watch this.
[Flack walks over to mother holding her young daughter in her arms]
Flack [to child]: What a beautiful girl! Hiya. What's your name?

Mac: So if you weren't at your little marketing seminar, what were you really doing the night of the murder?
Suspect: I was at the SoHo Regency with Dana, and I was there until about one in the morning.
Mac: The real SoHo Regency, or a taco stand?

Mac: Let's have Connecticut PD deliver an indictment order on the rape. Congressman Garth's gonna see the criminal justice system from the other side.

Flack: So whassamatter, huh Frank? You don't like our girls here in New York?
Perp: What the hell you talkin' about?
Flack: Toilet water drippin' from your clothes left a trail from the men's room leadin' directly to your room.
Perp: I was at the hotel for five days. I'm sure I used that men's room at some point.
Flack: Yeah? Well, I don't know about you, Frank, but I tend to wash my hands in the sink, not the toilet.

Flack: Hey Frank, we know the drill: you're far from home in the big city, ya get a couple drinks in you, foxy lady comes onto ya, gets your juices flowin'--drage her in the bathroom to have a good time. But then ya find out the hard way that she's actually a he. And ya lose it. Or maybe you knew she was a guy all along. Maybe you liked it. [in Frank's ear] You ever see Brokeback Mountain, Frank?
Stella: It's okay, Frank. This is New York City! We even have a gay parade here. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Perp: When it [drowning] was over? I didn't feel sick. Or scared. Or anything I thought I would.
Stella [disgustedly]: What did ya feel, Frank?
Perp: I felt I'd done the world a favor.
Flack [pulling Frank out of the chair and cuffing him]: And now, I'm gonna do it an even bigger one.

315, “Some Buried Bones”

Angell: Vic’s name is Jeff Ziegers. He’s a loss prevention security guard here in the store.
Danny: Poor guy couldn’t prevent the loss of his own life.

Stella: So did our vic surprise a shoplifter?
Danny: Shoplifter surprised him with a bullet.

Adam: Turns out our suspect is not as spooky as she wants us to believe. All right, come on—if this was a real ectoplasm, what’s it doin’ shopping? Unless it was like the spirit of [?], but I—I don’t really think she’s dead.
Stella: Adam? How’d she do it?

Mac: Looks like traces of blood.
[Mac examines statue with sword]
I think we have a suspect.
Flack: I love this job.

Mac: Will you walk into my parlor?
Hawkes: Said the spider to the fly.
Mac: I’m thinking our victim was lured here. Then murdered.

Sid: A prize in every box.
Mac: Excuse me?
Sid: The CrackerJack slogan: “A prize in every box.” Or in this case, your murder weapon.

Mac: An absinthe spoon, a branding, a brutal beatdown. . . .
Sid: I’ll take cult rituals, for $200.
Mac: I don’t think so. Kid doesn’t fit the part. We have reason to believe he went to Chelsea University. ‘What is a fraternity hazing gone bad?’

Mac: Who writes in blood?
Adam: Lawyers, college loan administrators. . . .

Suspect: Sure, yeah—I’ve uh, seen him around campus. Think his name’s Brian Miller.
Flack: You think?
Suspect: Yeah.
Flack: You wanna know what we think, Thomas? We think that you’re lyin’.

Suspect: Should I be calling my father? He’s good friends with the Governor.
Mac: What’s the number? I’ll dial it for you.
Flack: I’m sure Daddy’s gonna love to hear how Junior’s pullin’ down his 4.0.

Danny: Okay, so we have a dental mirror and a dental torch.
Stella: So we’re lookin’ for a klepto dentist who has an itchy trigger finger.

Danny: I don’t get over to Fifth Avenue, much, okay, unless Seventh is bumper to bumper, but a purse this rich is not going to be displayed on the counter, waitin’ to be snatched.

Adam: I can tell she’s got a bully in her life. Check that out. Look how she flinched when the customer raised his hand.
Danny: Could be too much coffee.
Stella: Or a sign of abuse. A withdrawal like that is a classic symptom of PTSD.
Danny: How d’you know that?
Adam: Uh, my—uh, dad was a bully.

Flack [to suspect]: You wanna call your daddy now?

Suspect: I took an oath.
Flack: Yeah, well, it’s gonna take a lot more than a secret handshake to protect you in jail, Thomas.

Mac: So you got him high, beat him up, and left him there—to die.

Reed: This is my first Geraldo, you know? Gettin’ beat up for a story.

Danny [holding up handbag]: Hey, Stell, you think this thing could be worth 25 thou?
Stella: Well, if you’re buyin’ retail, add another two grand for sales tax.
Danny: Sickening. With that kinda scratch I could buy a brand-new Harley and have some change in my pocket afterwards.

Stella: Those aren’t the ankles of a pregnant woman.

Stella: How far along are you?
Ava: Nine months.
Stella: You look great. You know, when my cousin was that far along she was retaining water like crazy. Couldn’t wear heels like that!
Danny: Have any idea what you’re havin’?
Ava: My husband and I wanna keep it a surprise.
[Danny taps Ava’s stomach, two boxes fall out]
Stella: Hey, congratulations! It’s twins! Let’s go.

Suspect: You really think I killed Brian?
Flack: I know. It’s crazy.

Perp: You don’t know what it’s like.
Flack: What?
Perp: My father’s chief of surgery at Queen of Mercy Hospital. He expects me to follow in his footsteps.
Mac: Dad’s going to be very disappointed.

[Adam holds up handbag to inspect it]
Danny: I hope you got shoes to go with that bag.

Danny: Ha! Boom!

Danny: I’m not gonna lie to you anymore, all right? You’re goin’ to jail.

Mac: Reed, if there’s anything I can do. . . .
Reed: I’d like to know where my mom’s buried.
Mac: She wasn’t. Her body was never found, no trace at all. But they’re—we’re still looking.
[Mac and Reed embrace]
Reed: Thanks for everything.

316, "Heart Of Glass"

[Mac and Peyton walk into crime scene together]
Danny: Whoa! They brought in the big guns! Thought you had the night off, Mac.
Mac: I do. But Peyton’s on call, and I’m with her.

Danny: Am I the last one to hear about this [Mac and Peyton's relationship]?
Mac: I guess so.
Danny: Flack knows?
Mac: M-hm.

Danny: Beautiful woman plans a private party like this, you’re gonna have to knock me unconscious and drag me out.

Danny: All right, so she breaks in, pours some champagne and takes a bath?
Peyton: Just like the fairy tale.
Mac: Only this Goldilocks isn’t sleeping. She’s dead.

Flack: I thought you had the night off.
Mac: My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.

Angell: Did it sound like it came from the apartment across the hall?
Neighbor: I assumed it didn’t.
Danny: Why would you assume that?
Neighbor: ‘Cause I know my neighbor’s outta town—he’s in Boston.
Danny: Oh, so you know DJ Melvoy.
Neighbor: No.
Angell: But you just said you knew he was in Boston.
Neighbor: No, I said my neighbor’s in Boston.
Danny: Yeah. DJ Melvoy.
Neighbor: No.
Danny: Whoa, whoa, who’s on first here, hah?

Mac: Top priority is to find the murder weapon.
Adam: Uh, sir—it’s not like I’ve had time to count or anything, but there’s over five hundred pieces [of glass] here.
Mac: Five hundred and seven.
[Mac walks away, Adam lets out a grunt of exasperation]

Mac: Do we know what killed Goldilocks?
Peyton: Preliminary COD? Diane Langston died from a broken heart.
Mac: You gonna write that in the autopsy report?

Mac: She passed out, hit her head, we found her in the tub.
Peyton: Primarily occurs to women in, um, very passionate relationships.
Mac [whispering]: I’ll be very careful.

Mac [to Peyton]: So how does Diane Langston get electrocuted? [stops himself] That’s my job, not yours.

[Peyton walks into morgue with Danny and living shooting victim in tow]
Peyton: Danny, this is highly unusual. This room is for dead bodies!
Danny: This is your autopsy room, okay? You’re in charge, right? Besides, the hospital would’ve taken too long with all the paperwork—please? Peyton, just trust me, all right? You’ll be glad you were here. You and Mac are gonna be tellin’ your grandchildren about this one!

Adam: Piece number one, pulled from the vic’s wound—piece number two, found at the crime scene. Now watch this [makes sound effect]—what up!?

Flack: Ok, you guys are gonna have to explain this [perp's medical condition] to me like I’m a five year-old, ‘cause I’m not gettin’ it.

Hawkes: Stella, you’re bleeding. Here, c’mere, let me take a look.
Stella: No no no no no, don’t! Don’t touch me! Hawkes, don’t touch me.
[Stella runs out of the room]

317, “The Ride-In”

Mac: Stella, why didn’t you tell me?
Stella: I thought I could handle it on my own. I’m scared, Mac. I know there are a lot of people living with AIDS, and I-I just don’t think I have the strength to do that. I don’t think I’m brave enough to wait for a cure.
Mac: What is it you say to me? (Spelling, anyone?) ‘Ava e istaros?” You’ll always have the strength, you’ll always have the guts.

Mac: I’m here for you.
Stella: I know.

Danny: Who called it in?
Flack: Mr. Macaluso. Lives across the street. He asked if we’d mention his plumbing supply business if the reporters ask who found the body.
Danny: Everybody’s got an angle.

[Danny walks into vic’s house to find words scrawled all over the walls]
Danny: Are you kidding me? What the hell?

[Danny walks up to victim lying dead in a pile of cash]
Danny: I guess we can rule out robbery?

Danny: Well, if this is Noah’s house. . .
Mac: . . .Then this must be Noah’s ark.

Flack: Looks like our boy had some serious end-of-the-world issues.

Mac: How long have you been in there?
Woman: Five days now.
Flack: Five days?! In there? Why?
Woman: The flood is coming. We had to prepare for the voyage.
Flack: You do know it hasn’t rained in over four weeks, right?

[Hawkes and Stella walk up to crime scene to find the victim lying face down in a huge, burnt cigarette suit]
Hawkes: You gotta be kiddin’ me.
Stella: All right, let’s just say it now and get it over with: smoking kills.

Hawkes: Two broken legs. . .maybe that’s what stopped the fire from spreading.
Stella: He was stubbed out.

Flack: Well, Noah was takin’ these people for a ride, but it wasn’t on the ark. His flock all tested negative for GSR, and they’ve asked me if they could get back on the Good Ship Looney Tunes before Sunday ‘cause that’s when the world’s ending. I told ‘em they could reboard once the crime scene’s clean, but what I really wanna do is throw ‘em all in the shower and then a rubber room.

Mac: Maybe our killer couldn’t get a ticket to ride.

Sid: Well, besides your guy having more facial hair than all three members of ZZ Top combined, and a tattoo that makes no sense, I think we’re good.

Mac: Our vic was convinced the world was coming to an end this Sunday.
Sid: The way the bodies have been stackin’ up around here lately, I’d say your vic might’ve been on to somethin’.

Flack: Ms. DiMartino, pyramid schemes are illegal in the state of New York.

Flack: So what happened then?
Suspect: Nothing.
Flack: No. Not nothing. You went to see him. You said so in your last message—‘Don’t make me come over there.’ You want me to play it for you again?

Danny: Do me a favor, hah? Tell me what you know about that guy right there.
Suspect: He’s dead?
Danny: Yeah, he’s dead.
Suspect: You sure about that?
Danny: Very sure.
Suspect: You just made my whole day. No—my year.
Danny: Oh, well, I’m-uh, glad to help.

Stella: Recognize him now?
Suspect: Oh yeah, that’s the douchebag in the cigarette suit.
Stella: Wow. Sounds like you two were close.

[Stella walks in to find all the lab techs smoking]
Stella [coughing]: Hawkes, what are we playing? ‘Who gets cancer first?”
Hawkes: DNA on our evidence came back to our vic. I’m trying to identify a brand, maybe trace the purchase. We also may be able to determine if the burn produced the color change in the paper.
Stella: Good, good—let’s make sure everybody gets hazard pay.

Stella: What I’m imagining is how your customers who make the switch deal with their nicotine addiction.
Tobacco Executive: Excuse me?
Stella: Well, if you have less nicotine in each cigarette, they’re gonna crave more in order to satisfy their addiction. The poor bastard who smokes a pack a day is gonna need to smoke ten packs a day—and at five dollars a pack, your company’s making a whole lotta money.
Exec: Are we done?
Stella: No.

Stella: Why did you lie to me?
Tobacco Executive: Detective. A dead employee in a cigarette suit is not exactly investor-friendly.
Stella: This man had a family. You were gonna have security kick his wife out of the building!
Exec: I was going to tell her. I was just trying to buy the company a little bit of time until we figured out how to spin it.
Stella: Get this man out of my face.

Suspect: My old man says, ‘Jimmy, what’s mine is mine. You got nothin’ comin’, so you got to go out and make your own money.’ Well, that’s exactly what I did.
Flack: Jimbo! Why don’t you spare us the stroll down memory lane.
Jimmy: What? You double-parked or somethin’? You asked a question, I’m answerin’.
Mac: Come on, you’re playin’ games.
Jimmy: Okay. Say, if I help you, how you gon’ do right by me?
Mac: You got a parole hearing in two months.
Flack: Yeah, and a word from us to the board’ll do a whole lot more than that hat you traded for two packs of smokes.
Jimmy: Kufi. It’s not a hat. It’s a kufi.
Flack: Worn as a sign of respect to the Prophet Mohammed. I know. What you don’t know is that wearing it doesn’t mean you’re rehabilitated.

Jimmy: Only before I could go, the Treasury Department came down on me for runnin’ counterfeit checks.
Flack: Imagine that.

Stella: So we have one victim found dead in a cigarette suit and another attacked while wearing a Bavarian beer maid outfit.

Danny: So that’s the reason Mr. Doomsday thought the world was comin’ to an end—and spent his last days at Frankie’s Hardware buyin’ 2-by-4s.


318, “Sleight Out Of Hand”

Stella [holding up saw and gesturing to body sliced in half]: Clearly, this trick didn’t work.

Mac: Something tells me this girl wasn’t a volunteer from the audience.

Danny: I gotta say, of all the bodies, this is on the Top Ten Most Twisted list.
Mac: Yeah, it’s no ordinary slice of life.

[Mac is examining blood drops on the floor in front of the stage]
Danny: Whaddya got, Mac?
Mac: The killer took a bow.

Sid [gesturing to girl sawed in half]: What’s the phrase? The whole is greater than the sum of his parts? Do I even need to state the cause of death?

Stella: Okay, Sid, enough with the boring stuff. I know you. You always have something up your sleeve.
Sid: Well, as it happens, I do have a little something.

Sid [reading black-light visible tattoo]: Mind, Body and Spirit.
Stella: Well, we’ve got her mind and her body—we just need to find out who took her spirit.

Magic Shop Owner [bending over seemingly dead fly]: Rise, tiny creature. Rise. Go forth into the world and prosper. Welcome to Magic Paradise, gentlemen—where anything is possible if you believe in magic.
[fly gets up and buzzes away]
Flack: Fake fly.
Mac: Sodium chloride. Introducing a fine, nearly invisible pinch of salt underneath the waterlogged fly re-established the salt-to-water equilibrium necessary for the fly to conduct its cellular metabolism.
Flack: I like the fake fly theory better.

Rupert: Is that Vienna? Has something happened to her?
Flack: She was murdered last night. You think you could wave your hand over her? Bring her back to life?

Mac: Tell me about Vienna.
Rupert: I love Vienna!
Flack: Yeah. And nothing says ‘I love you back’ like an order of protection.

Mac: When mind, body and spirit come together, anything’s possible—including murder.

Danny: Flack called. Rupert Lanigan’s alibi checked out. All right, so I got a shoe print that’s not in the database, I got blood that only belongs to Vienna Hiyatt and we got a psycho magician who kills for imaginary audiences.
Stella: And unfortunately, his victim was all too real.

Luke Blade: If that’s it, Detectives, I’m gonna go light myself on fire.

Stella: They say burning is the most painful of deaths.
Danny: I love that. How do they know? What’d they do, take a poll? ‘64% of people surveyed. . . .’

[Mac is playing with a magic kit]
Danny: Merlin, whaddya doin’ here? Tradin’ in your crime scene kit for a magic kit?
[Mac performs a trick and produces a rose for Stella]
Stella: Whoa.
Danny: That’s impressive. It’s not a butterfly, but it’s good. Nice.
Stella: All right, spill it—how’d you do it?
Mac: Experimentation and observation.
Stella: No, Mac, I’m talking about the mechanics of the trick.
Mac: Hm. A magician never reveals his secrets.

[Danny and Mac turn over a burning victim, revealed to be a former suspect]
Danny: Well, so much for questionin’ Austin Cannon.
Mac: Looks like the trick’s on us.

Danny [holding up magic wand used to light victim on fire]: Abracadabra.

[Danny thinks he sees Lindsay in the hallway and ends up smiling at a random lab tech]
Danny: I’m losin’ my mind.

Magic Shop Owner: Well, well—if it isn’t the Great Debunker. What can I do for you this time, Detective?
Flack: I’m lookin’ for a way to make my case load disappear, Rupert. You got that in your bag of tricks?

Flack: You think Houdini knew the impact he would have on Mafia lingo?
Hawkes: I’m sorry?
Flack: Well, s’like when they whack somebody, they say we made him do a Houdini. Ya think that would make him proud?
Hawkes: Are we actually havin’ this conversation?
Flack: Oh, I’m sorry. Can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better? ‘Cause that’s scintillating conversation right there.
Hawkes: It would be if you knew the—
Magic Shop Owner: This is what you’re looking for. It has all three items you showed me in those photographs. You better return this, though—it’s a collector’s item. I don’t wanna find out you two pulled a Houdini on me.
[Flack pulls a hilariously contorted face at Hawkes and walks out of the store]
Hawkes: Thank you. [scoffs and turns to exit the store] Houdini.

Danny: Substance I recovered from the gas can is—
Mac: Stunt gel.
Danny: Why do I even bother if you already know the answer, Mac?

Danny: Are you lightin’ your arm on fire in the name of science?
Mac: What other job allows you to light your boss on fire? Going once, going twice. . .
Danny: Sold, but if you go up in flames, I get your office?

Mac: Nothin’ like murder to increase your profit margin.

Luke Blade: It [trick] should not, cannot be repeated—and most importantly has to be performed by a highly pissed-off professional!

319, “A Daze of Wine And Roaches”

Stella: All right, Mac, I got this one. Flack, you’re drivin’.
Flack: Engine’s runnin’.

Mac: We need a fresh blood sample.
Hawkes: Which we get how if we can’t touch the body?
[Mac gestures to Hawkes’ hand]
Mac: We already have it. At our fingertips.

Butler: I can certainly answer any of your questions or write them down and have Evie respond via email.
Flack: Nice. But that’s not how this works. See, we’re old school. Raw light bulbs, cold concrete rooms.

Butler: Again, I’d be happy to pass your card on to him.
Flack: You just don’t get it, do ya?

Flack [gesturing to DB]: Meet the former future of the Manhattan foodie scene.

Lindsay: I thought you caught the UN case.
Flack: Oh, I did. Saturday night in the city, Linds—you know how it is.

Danny: He may have been dead while the guests were eatin’ their crème brulee last night.

Danny: So this is where they house the million-dollar grape juice, huh?
Flack: Are you kidding me? This place is amazing. Mon Rothchild, Mount Suret, Barbaresco—the wine in this vault, Dan? Worth tens of thousands of dollars.
Danny: Whadda you know?
Lindsay: Flack, I think Danny’s kind of wine is the house Chianti.
Danny: Y’know, that’s where you’re wrong. My favorite kind of wine? Is beer.

Flack: Ok, so there’s a fight, and someone throws a wine bottle at our vic.
Lindsay: And maybe Alec rushes the attacker.
Danny: And then he gets. . .uh. . .screwed to death.
Flack: 6.5, Mess. Little shaky on the landing.

[Cockroach crawls out of victim’s mouth]
Danny: What exactly was this chef cookin’ last night?

Stella: Let’s just stick to what we have and then we can be ahead of the game when we get Simone’s body back from the clutches of the U.N. Mac loves this political stuff, doesn’t he?

Stella: So how does a dead man bite the choker of a living woman who’s now dead?
Sid: Sounds like a trick question.

Stella: Oh. But, Simone’s work visa expired two weeks ago. Technically, that means she couldn’t work at the U.N.
Mac: Thanks. There goes her diplomatic immunity.

Danny: Is that the uh, creature you pulled from the vic’s mouth?
Lindsay: Mm-hmm. Madagascar hissing cockroach. Get this. This one is covered in three carats of cushion-cut emeralds and rubies. It’s worth over a hundred thousand dollars.
Danny: Get outta here.

Danny: A roach broach.
Lindsay: Hey, it could be the next big thing. I mean, isn’t the cockroach kind of the unofficial mascot of New York?
Danny: Ha, that’s funny. Take it easy there, Montana.

Lindsay: Well, to answer that we need to know who that roach brooch belonged to.
Danny: Well, y’know, it shouldn’t be too hard. How many people out there put this much bling on a bug?

Roach Seller: My client list is confidential.
Danny: Heh, what’s confidential about a list of freaks who wear bugs? We’ll subpoena the list if we have to.
Seller: Oooh. Do what you gotta do.
Lindsay: Well, if one of those animal rights groups gets the list, you’re gonna have a whole different kind of pest to deal with.
[Danny laughs]

Inspector Gerrard: A little advice, Taylor. You might wanna get used to the idea of playing politics.
Mac: If I don’t?
Gerrard: Might come back. . .and bite you in the ass.
Mac: Are you angry because this made you look bad or because you know I’m right?

Sid: Someone wanted her hurtin’.
Mac: Someone wanted her dead.

Lindsay: Any idea how your jewelry wound up in Mr. Greene’s mouth?
Suspect: Roaches like dank places filled with hot air? [laughs]
Danny: You know, that’s funny—but when we found him he was stone-cold dead.

Danny: Cool. So what is it?
Adam: I—I have no idea.
Danny: That’s fan-tastic.
Adam: Dude, the sarcasm—come on, I’m doin’ the best with what I got here.

Lindsay: This is a 2003 Chateau Suzanne. This is a $500 bottle of wine.
Adam: $650. I checked.
Danny: Since when do you know so much about wine, Montana?
Lindsay: We’re more than beer and buffalo burgers, Messer.

Lindsay: What do you think?
Danny: It’s a knock-off. Bottle that expensive, the color would go all the way to the edge.
Lindsay: Right.
[Lindsay walks away]
Danny: All right, so let me know, huh?

Danny: Boom.

Suspect: Alec had great taste in everything.
Danny: Yeah? Maybe too great, right? You underestimate him? Didn’t think he’d notice 2-Buck-Chuck in a 6-bill bottle?

Suspect: I got a tasting downtown in an hour.
Danny: Cancel it. ‘Cause even if ya didn’t kill Alec Greene, this whole wine scam thing you’re pullin’, that’s 10 months for fraud. How do ya like the taste of that?

Lindsay: A nipple marker. That’s what it is!
Danny: Nipple what?

Lindsay: Women always forget they’re wearing them [nipple markers] and they wind up in the weirdest places.
Danny: Like two feet away from a dead guy?

Danny: So you killed a guy. . .over a cockroach.

320, “What Schemes May Come”

[Flack comes up to Stella, who is processing a vic in knight getup]
Flack: So I’ve considered all possibilities for his wardrobe: too early for Halloween, Shakespeare in the Park is months away, and it’s Monday night so Broadway’s dark.
Stella: All right, that leaves us with a medieval costume party.
Flack: If that’s this guy’s story, that was a killer party.
Stella [laughing]: Any ID?
Flack: Nope. No ID, no wallet, no family crest. . . .
Stella: Get anything from your witness over there?
Flack: Yeah. You know that sugar you put in your coffee in the mornin’? Not sugar.
Stella: No?
Flack: No. Granulated tracking devices the government uses to keep tabs on us.
Stella: Good to know.
Flack: Yes.

Flack: Blood trail.
Stella: Yeah. Directionality leads that way. Found cherry blossoms in his hair, and somebody kissed his ring. A lipstick kiss.
Flack: Think maybe our Lancelot had a rendezvous with Guinevere in the park?
[Stella nods]

Flack: Lance. Armor. Dead knight. Go ahead, say it.
Stella: Our vic was jousting in Central Park.
Flack: New York City’s Camelot.

[Hawkes enters crime scene to find vic bound to bed in fancy penthouse hotel suite]
Hawkes: Wow.
Lindsay: Yeah. That’s exactly what I said.

Hawkes: Perfect nightcap to an evening like that is sex.
Lindsay: Well, this night ended in murder.

Lindsay: You thinking something?
Hawkes: Yeah. That this is how people get away with murder.

Flack: You got an impressive rap sheet, J.J.
J.J: Oh, so you think I’m lyin’?
Flack: I’m just lettin’ you know before you tell me your story that I think you’re involved, and it’s up to you to convince me otherwise.

Flack: Don’t go anywhere, J.J.

Peyton: He was dead! We’ve—we’ve just witnessed the impossible!
Mac: Who pronounced the vic dead at the scene—was it the new M.E.?
Peyton: Why? Because only somebody new could’ve made a mistake like that? I’m the one who pronounced him dead!
Mac: Based on what?
Peyton: Based on eight years of training and another eight years on the job. I haven’t forgotten how to tell if a vic is alive or dead, Mac!

Flack: So I went by the restaurant where our vic’s credit card was rejected—it turns out our night in shining armor was a stockbroker named Derek Curson.

Stella: Ratio of truth to lies?
Flack: Lyin’ through her teeth. Start to finish.

Danny: I need you to take a look at what I pulled from the body bag.
Mac: Raw silk?
Danny: On steroids!
Mac: A spider that produced a strand this thick would have to weigh 150 pounds.
Danny: Exactly, so I ran it through DNA for species determination—our spider has floppy ears, he bleats, likes to eat garbage. . . .
Mac: You lost me.
Danny: It’s from a goat.

Danny: Would you mind. . .uh. . .explaining to us what you’re doin’ here with this goat?

Danny: Yeah, it’s a rat with an ear on its back.

Danny: We saw a rat with an ear on its back. I mean I gotta be honest, I can handle dead bodies--obviously—floaters, old ladies cut in little pieces, but mixin’ and matchin’ with different species?

Flack: So I found our horse guy, but he didn’t recognize Isabella as the woman in the shadows. I woulda done better showin’ him a picture of her legs.

Flack [about Sid]: Guy loves his job.

Lindsay: ‘Long ago in Fiji, a little girl was punished by her mother. She ran away, and got tangled in a white flowery vine. Her tears turned to blood and landed on the stem of the vine, turning the flower red—thus the tagamathea flower.’ Which is what we found on our vic’s armor.
Hawkes: Fiji. So it was imported.
Lindsay: No. ‘Cause I checked the soil fragments, and I found peat moss, but I found no sand, silt or clay which means that this flower was grown in a controlled environment.
Stella: Greenhouse.
Lindsay: Exactly.
Flack: Lotsa greenhouses in New York, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Well that’s true, Flack, but the flower also had yellow discoloration on the petals—which means it was exposed to calcium hydroxide.
Hawkes: Used in watering plants to neutralize acidic water and remove impurities.
Lindsay: Exactly. So this plant was grown in a greenhouse that was in the wind path of a chemical toxin.
Flack: I’m so glad that figuring this stuff out is your job—not mine.

[Stella points to marijuana plant]
Flack: Oh! That’s marijuana.

Stella: Any of the patients in your group use medical marijuana?
Doctor: I wouldn’t know.
Flack: You do know it’s illegal in New York, yeah?
Stella: And there happens to be a plant over there that resembles a marijuana plant.
Flack: It would be very helpful for us to have those names.
Doctor: A few of my patients use it, yes.

Suspect: Hey, like I told that guy out there, I’m not givin’ you guys my prints.
[Mac picks up water bottle suspect was drinking out of and grins]
Mac: We’ll have your prints in an hour.

Mac [regarding Stella's HIV test]: You ready for the answer?
Stella: Whatever the outcome, I am bound and determined to live every day to the fullest.

321, “Past Imperfect”

Stella: I thought lock-and-key parties went out in the seventies.
Flack: Apparently they’ve had a resurgence. Who knew?
Club Proprietress: Don’t be shy. Everyone’s a bit nervous their first time out.
Stella: Actually, we’re not here to participate.
Proprietress: That’s our loss.
Flack: We’re NYPD.
Proprietress: I am so sorry. That’s right—you called earlier. I was expecting big burly men with guns.
Flack: Well, if you focus your attention in my direction, you might see one.

Lindsay [passing bagged hair sample to Danny]: Too coarse to be head hair.
Danny: Too long to be pubes.
Lindsay [snatching sample back]: It’s most likely beard hair.

Lindsay: Well, the guy took his chances running with the Russian mob. . .maybe his past finally caught up with him.
Danny: Da.
[Danny walks away, Lindsay laughs]

Danny: Your name is Yuri Sokov, right?
Yuri: Yes.
Danny: I think you might wanna reconsider then.
[Yuri speaks in Russian to a girl at the register]
Danny: Whoa! One call to the INS and I’ll have ya on the next flight back to Russia, big guy—and I hear it’s cold there this time of year.
Yuri: I am an American citizen.
Danny: Yeah—with a rap sheet as long as the Constitution.

Danny: And you left it at that? Come on, I know you Russians—you’re a passionate people.

Danny: You got quite the attitude, Yuri, you know that? You’re a funny guy. I think your new cellmates are gonna appreciate that.

Stella [to suspect]: You let a lady stumble home drunk? What a gentleman you are.

Flack: Mac. You said you did the right thing when you put Detective Truby away.
Mac: Truby was dirty.
Flack: And because you locked him up, Clay Dobson’s conviction was overturned.
Mac: That’s on Truby’s head, not mine.
Flack: There was no forensic evidence. No witness in the Lauren Henning case, Mac. Dobson’s conviction rested solely on the confession he gave Detective Truby!
Mac: I know the case, Don—what’s your point?
Flack: Dobson killed again. That doesn’t bother you a little bit?
Mac: The way I feel has never affected the way I do my job.
Flack: My weakness, I guess. But every hood Truby ever collared is gonna be anglin’ for a free pass! Clay Dobson was just the first in line.
Mac: You havin’ a good time sayin’ ‘I told you so’?
[Flack pauses]
Flack: No. I gave you my casebook. And without it you wouldn't have been able to lock Truby up.
Mac: It’s my responsibility. You did the right thing. Let it go. Let me take the hit.
[Silence reigns for a moment]
Flack: So what’re we gonna do about Clay Dobson?
Mac: We’re gonna put him away for good this time.

Mac: I’m watching you, Dobson. Next time we talk, it won’t be about books.

Danny: So you’re sayin’ Scott Colson’s basically the walkin’ dead?

Danny: How do you think the pellet got in his leg?
Hawkes: Well, I’m thinking he was shot by something like this.
[Hawkes shows Danny a makeshift-looking gun]
Danny: Looks like it’s somethin’ out of a spy novel.

Mac: Look, I’m not gonna back away from this case because of Dobson’s legal antics.
Gerrard: You didn’t hafta go barging into his workplace.
Mac: I wanted to rattle his cage.

Mac [to Gerrard]: When did you put down your badge and start runnin’ for office?

Mac: Adam. I can’t afford to be caught off guard with information as critical as this.
[Mac holds up file folder]
Adam: What?
Mac: DNA results. Word on the mover’s blanket. Why’d I get them from Gerrard and not you?
Adam: Gerrard was here when the results came in and he asked me to show ‘em to him.
Stella: Mac, Adam was busy doing something for me.
Mac: There’s a lot of data coming into this lab—I have to be on top of it.
Adam: What was I supposed to do?
Mac: You should’ve picked up the phone and called me right away.
Stella: Anyone in this lab would’ve done the same thing! Gerrard’s a deputy inspector.
Mac: I don’t give a d*mn what his title is! When I’m workin’ a case like this information comes to me. As soon as you get it.
Adam: Sorry.

Danny [to kids under boardwalk]: Yo! You want your Jackson back? Why doncha come up here and help us, all right?

Hawkes [pointing out cowgirl]: Redhead on roller skates.
Danny: Yippie-ki-yay.

Danny: Carolyn, listen. Here’s the deal, okay: when you have co-conspirators up on a murder charge, the first one to sing gets a prize! You wanna know what the loser gets?
Suspect: What?
Danny: Twenty-five to life. You’ll qualify for Medicare by the time you get out.

Danny [to perp]: Consider yourself signed, sealed and delivered.

Flack [about hotel basement]: Talk about the bowels of the earth.

Flack [over radio]: Where the hell’s my backup?!

Dobson: You were right. What you said about the eyes? I wanted them to look. Knowin’ that my face was the last thing they were ever gonna see.
Mac: Shut up. Drop to your knees, put your hands behind your head. Do it!

322, “Cold Reveal”

Flack: Our vic crashed through a stained-glass window.
Mac: Who called it in?
Flack: Father Brooks. A little shaken up. Fallen angel thing.
[Mac gives Flack a look]
Flack: Still no ID on the vic. Could be a Michael or Gabriel. They say it’s tough to make it in Manhattan! Heaven must be brutal.
Mac: Yeah.
Flack: Still checking Missing Persons. And Nostradamus.

Flack: This one’s just weird.
Mac: Huh. Well, if he didn’t fall from some type of parachute or aircraft. . .
[Mac and Flack look at the ceiling]
Flack: There’s always Heaven.

Mac: Caribiner. This kid must’ve been attached to something.
Flack: Hook, harness, wings? What’re we lookin’ at, some kinda angel-in-training?

Mac: All he had left were wings and a prayer.

Lindsay: Hey, Sid—Mac sent me up here. Said you recovered some, uh—whoa. [looks at set of wings] Evidence?
Sid: Yeah. Seems young Icarus flew too close to tech Heaven.

Stella: Are we really gonna do this one picture at a time while you analyze every shifty eye move?
Detective Valens: Yeah. That’s really how we’re gonna do it.

Stella: You know, we should check New York’s Missing Persons, see if there’s anyone associated with the museum who may have gone missing.
Valens: We? [laughs] I ain’t lookin’ for a partner here.
Stella [frostily]: Well, consider me your only lead.

Lindsay: What about this website? It’s encouraging kids to hurt themselves. That can’t be legal.
Mac: Well, contests aren’t a crime. Neither is stupidity or bad judgment.

Danny: You okay, Stell?
Stella: Uh, no—no, I’m not.
[Valens looks at Stella’s police academy graduation photo]
Valens: That’s you, Stella.

Valens: What are you hiding, Stella?
Stella: Nothing! I’m not hiding anything!
Danny: Look, Valens—if she says she doesn’t know, she don’t know.
Valens: I agreed to let you work this case ‘cause you’re a cop. I been tryin’ to go along with the way you guys work. Clearly, my mistake. I’ll be back in a couple hours—if you still ain’t talkin’, maybe we do it my way. In Philly.
[Valens leaves]
Danny: What’s goin’ on? Stella, look at me.
[Stella shrugs]
Danny: What’s haunting you?
Stella: I don’t know, Danny. That’s the problem. I don’t know!

Lindsay: Aw, yuck. Trigonometry.

Hawkes: That leaves us with one hundred and twenty possible rooftops.
[Lindsay sighs]
Hawkes: Hey, don’t look at us. We did the hard part.

Mac: We might be able to pinpoint an exact location by measuring the temperature differential of roof surfaces in our search zone.
Adam: That’s great! Yeah! How do you do that?

Gerrard: It’s not as simple as that, Mac.
Mac: No, I don’t imagine it is.
Gerrard: This is about the police department.
Mac: What you mean is that you and Sinclair felt a little media pressure, and for the sake of the department you’re not gonna come to my defense. I suppose I shouldn’t take that personally.

Mac: I was just wondering, when you were makin’ all those arrests and lockin’ up bad guys, were you imagining a day where you’d be so busy kissin’ the Chief of Detective’s ass you wouldn’t remember what it was like to be a cop?
Gerrard: You son of a b*tch. I don’t deserve that.
Mac: You and I both know what this is. You’re caving to media pressure and I’m being made an example of for your own political gain!

Mac [to Sinclair]: Spoken like a true candidate for Commissioner.

Sinclair: If you didn’t do anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about.
Mac [scoffing]: I’m the last one. Everyone else hired under Mayor Giuliani you’ve either pushed into retirement or promoted to powerless administrative jobs. Good thing you saved me for last. You’re about to face a fight you won’t forget.

Valens: Okay, Stella. You’re drivin’. The way you like it.

Victoria: Is that why you’re here? To arrest me?
Stella: A few months ago I would’ve said yes. But life is strange. I’ve found that it has these grey areas. Sometimes you don’t choose your own hell—it’s chosen for you. And you do what you need to survive. Today I’m here because you’re the only sister I’ve ever known. My blood sister forever and ever. Tomorrow I have to come back with my badge.

323, “. . .Comes Around”

[Mac comes storming out of the preliminary statements hearing]
Flack: Mac. Whoa, slow down! What happened in there?
Mac: I’m not in the mood, Don.
Flack: What, did you just walk out?
Mac: Apparently I’m the kind of guy who does whatever he wants, why disappoint them?

Flack: This department can’t afford to lose you.
Mac: This isn’t about the department. It’s about me. They’re callin’ me a murderer in there. I’m not hangin’ around to listen to that!

Flack: You hear about Mac?
Danny: Walkin’ outta the hearing?
Flack: Yep.
Danny: Pretty ballsy. Somethin’ I would do. Got a whole new level of respect for the boss man.
Flack: Yeah, I don’t know what he was thinkin’.

Peyton: Impaled on a condom machine. Well, that’s a first.
Danny: So much for safe sex.

Stella: Okay. So we’re looking for an enraged killer with a lot of upper-body strength.
Flack: Like someone capable of a hundred and fourty-mile an hour tennis serve?

Mac: You remember your first collar?
Stella: Oh yeah. A shoplifter. On 43rd and 8th Avenues. Guy took one of those “I Love New York” t-shirts from a souvenir shop—it was the proudest moment in my life. Two days later, I arrested him again. Same store. How ‘bout you? What was your first?
Mac: It was a DUI. Guy jumped the curb and hit a hydrant—water shootin’ all over the place, he was way over the legal limit. Fell down twice trying to walk a straight line. And then he started doin’ the backstroke on the sidewalk.
Stella: What happened to him?
Mac I ran his license. . .and I found out he was the son of a captain. 7-4. I went ahead and arrested and processed, and the next day I was directin’ traffic at the Midtown Tunnel.
[Silence for a moment]
Mac: I think you’re better at playin’ the politics.
Stella: You just don’t play.
Mac: I don’t like the game.
Stella: You don’t have to like it. Mac, if you can find an angle to beat Sinclair and Gerrard, it might be worth playing.

Hawkes: How long did it take you to remove him from the condom machine?
Peyton: Don’t worry—your record remains unbroken, Sheldon.
[Lindsay looks puzzled]
Hawkes: Two hours, twelve minutes. Removing a corpse from an animated billboard in Times Square—all organs intact.

Peyton: I pulled this from the victim’s head. I’m not sure what it is yet. But I can tell you the current price of contraception--75 cents. Someone was a quarter short.

Stella: ‘Scuse me, Mr. McEnroe—
John McEnroe: You got a t-shirt or a tennis ball or something?
[Danny pulls out his badge]
Danny: No, no, no, we got this right here—NYPD.
McEnroe: I never knew you were a fan.

Stella: A guy was murdered last night. It was extremely violent—anger fueled.
McEnroe: Oh, I get it. So that means it was me.

McEnroe: Do I look like I was in a violent struggle?! There’s not a mark on me!

McEnroe: Fine! Go for it! This is me being cooperative.
Danny: Nice, ain’t it, though? Bein’ cooperative?
McEnroe: Not bad.

Department Advocate: It’s ironic that Detective Taylor has chewed you out on more than one occasion for violating procedure and now he finds himself in this position, no?
Danny: Was that an actual question?

Advocate: You knew Detective Taylor felt responsible for Mr. Dobson’s release, didn’t you?
Danny: Mr. Dobson? Is that what we’re callin’ serial killers who cut the eyelids off young girls so they can watch their killer as they die? Mr. Dobson?

Advocate: Detective Messer, this is Clay Dobson’s autopsy report. Can you read the highlighted portion there on page twenty-three?
Danny: Sure.
[Danny begins reading to himself]
Advocate: Out loud, Detective.
Danny: Out loud.

Flack: ‘Can you please read the highlighted text?’ ‘Yes.’ Classic.
Danny: Word travels, eh?
Flack: It’s not quite walkin’ outta the hearing, but I gotta give it to ya. Cheers.

Flack: Takes some serious meatballs to stand up to the Department Advocate the way you did. I gotta say, I admire you for that.
Danny: Yeah. Doesn’t help Mac at all, me bein’ a wiseass.
Flack: I gotta be honest with ya Danny, I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help Mac.
Danny: So what happened when you were in the hearing?
Flack: Oh, same song and dance—I try to put in my two cents for Mac and she cuts me off. My guess? They know! They know Mac didn’t throw Dobson off that roof!
Danny: Oh yeah.
Flack: Sinclair’s gunnin’ for Commissioner so they put on a nice little show for the media and get Mac on violating procedure. Terrible.
Danny: Of course, of course. But why didn’t Mac just call us or notify for backup?
Flack: He’s got a tough road on that one.
Danny: And on top of that it’s a no-win, ‘cause you know if he hadn’t a caught Dobson, they woulda been all over his ass for that, too! Why do we do what we do, huh?
Flack: Whaddya mean?
Danny: We wake up in the mornin’ at 3 o’clock, stand at a crime scene in the freezing cold. Livin’ paycheck to paycheck for what? To protect and serve. Serve who, the public? Sometimes it seems like they hate us. And then here we got the brass, ready to throw us to the lions!
Flack: We do it ‘cause we’re good at it. Maybe we’d be lousy at anything else. I dunno. Maybe we do it for the one or two times somebody actually thanks us for findin’ their son’s murderer.

Peyton: No apparent cause of death, and the tox report didn’t indicate anything helpful, but I knew something was wrong, so I. . .
[Peyton notices that Mac isn’t listening]
Peyton: . . .so I decided just to cut the poor bastard’s liver up and make a lovely pate and everybody in the lab just adored it.
Mac: Peyton, I’m sorry, it’s just no matter how many times I tell myself I did the right thing, Emma Pierce is dead because--
Peyton: --Because Clay Dobson killed her. And because Dean Truby decided not to be half the cop that you are. He sold drugs on the street. You put him away and you are not responsible for anything that has happened because of it.

Peyton: I think you need to tell him that you don’t regret arresting him. And that you’ll take the next cop down—and the one after that, no matter how difficult, no matter what the consequences because it’s the right thing to do.
Mac: Dean Truby doesn’t need to hear that from me.
Peyton: But you need to tell him.

Flack: ‘Celeb Blood’? He’s selling blood?
Danny: Spike Lee, Mayor Bloomberg--
Flack: John McEnroe. Hundred bucks an ounce!
Danny: Yeah. Talk about gold runnin’ through your veins.

Flack: The ultimate fan.
Danny: Sounds like we’re lookin’ for the ultimate fanatic.

Suspect: You guys here to donate [blood]?
Danny: Why? So you can hawk it on the Internet?

Flack [to suspect]: So what, you like to take your work home with ya?

[Suspect runs into a food cart while trying to elude Danny and Flack]
Danny: Shoulda just told us you wanted a snack—we woulda gotten you a pretzel.

Suspect: There’s nothin’ wrong with that.
Flack: Sellin’ peoples’ DNA out from under them? I’d say you broke four federal laws and one or two ethical codes.

Mac: It’s tough to be right when a young girl ends up dead.

Mac: I need this property.
Property Clerk [placing paperwork in front of Mac]: Sure. Fill that out. We’ll get back to you in a couple of days.
[Mac buzzes himself into the room]
Clerk: Hey, what’re you doing?
Mac: I need to put a rush on it.

John McEnroe: First Grand Slam title at age 20, and this guy doesn’t know who I am?! Are you kidding me?

McEnroe: Argh! Guy got beer and women offa me!

Jimmy: It’s not like we’re identical twins or somethin’.
Stella: So you helped Mother Nature out. A little nip here, tuck there. Huh. Making it impossible to tell the difference.
Jimmy: Yep.
McEnroe: Are you blind? Is she blind? Look at the nose!

Jimmy: I wanted his blood. The chemistry that made him great. In a keychain! Helped me get into character.
McEnroe: Gross.
Flack: See, now that—that’s just wrong.

Mac [to Gerrard and Sinclair]: It’s the little things that always come back to bite ya.

Mac: You know, I think I’m gettin’ the hang of this politics stuff.

Stella: Must’ve been satisfying, seeing the look on Sinclair’s face when he realized you had him.
Mac: I don’t take pleasure in someone else’s discomfort, Stella.
[Mac pauses]
Yeeess. It was incredibly satisfying.

324, “Snow Day”

Flack [preparing for raid]: Let’s do this.

Hawkes: Any ID?
Flack: Nope. And the rest of the clan ain’t talkin’. You’d do better with a swab of blood from that hole I put in his chest. Might get a hit in CODIS?
Hawkes: Hey. He was gonna kill you. You did what you had to.
Flack: It’s just not how I wanted to start my day.

Mac: What about you?
Flack: I’m not used to lookin’ down the barrel of an AK-47, but I’ll be all right.

Mac: Gavin Wilder lost his drugs, his crew and his life all in the same day.

[Danny opens his eyes and turns to Lindsay, sleeping beside him on the pool table. He gently pokes her nose and she opens her eyes]
Lindsay: Hey.
Danny: Hey.
Lindsay: What time is it?
Danny: It’s early.

Lindsay: I dreamt that I woke up and you were gone. You left a note.
Danny: Where would I go? This is my place.
Lindsay: I was hoping for a better answer.
Danny: Just kiddin’. I’m glad this happened.
Lindsay: Me too.

Hawkes: This bad boy’s recently been fired.

Peyton [to Mac]: Apparently, you’ve only missed five and a half days of work since you joined the NYPD.

Danny [to terrorists]: What the hell do you want?!

Stella: Mac, I don’t have a good feeling about this. What do you think?
Mac: Someone’s faking a gas leak to force an evacuation.
Stella: On the same day we happen to have 900 kilos of cocaine in our vault? This is no coincidence, Mac.

(Lindsay flashes back to the previous night)
Danny: There’s no way you’re gonna make this shot too, Montana.
Lindsay: A benjamin says I do. [Lindsay sinks pool ball] You owe me a hundred dollars.
Danny: You know what? You’re gonna have to wait until payday.
Lindsay: No. You’re gonna pay me now or—you come up with something better.
[Danny and Lindsay kiss and start taking each others’ clothes off]

Stella: What are we gonna do?
Mac: Stop ‘em.

Danny [to Adam]: I know you’re afraid, and so am I. But you are going to get it [sulfuric acid].

Danny [to kidnappers, as he runs out of the trailer]: Scumbags!
[Kidnappers chase Danny down and start beating him up]
Danny: You two humps from Clinton just hijacked a crime scene cleanup. Makes me believe that when they went to gentrify Hell’s Kitchen, they got rid of all the smart tough guys!
[Kidnappers hit Danny, this time harder]

Stella: Great. We’ve got no guns. So what’s the plan?
Mac: I don’t know. One thing I do know is we’ve got home field advantage. I’m not lettin’ anyone walk outta my lab with evidence.

Lindsay: But you spoke to Danny, right? He’s the one who called you.
Flack: He didn’t sound good, Linds.

Kidnapper: Nice toy.
Flack: Why don’t you come outside—I’ll show you how to use it.

Stella: He [terrorist] looks confused, Mac.
Mac: It’s very simple, really. Should you manage to get out of that tape and try to leave this room or somebody tries to save you, these lasers will trigger the pipe bomb I connected to that canister of hydrogen gas. There’s enough in there to kill you—and make the cleaning crew very unhappy.

[Hawkes presses a medical examiner’s saw to the neck of one of the kidnappers]
Hawkes: I used to be an expert with this thing—don’t make me show you. Let go of your weapon. Let go of your weapon. [Yanks Adam’s pass off of kidnapper’s neck and holds it up] What’d you do with him? Hm? How many people are with you? Who’s in charge? Fine, you wanna play dead? Turn around. Turn around! Let’s go!
[Hawkes shuts kidnapper in DB storage receptacle]

Mac: You ok?
Hawkes: Yeah. What about you two?
Stella: I wish I could’ve called in sick today.

Mac [to terrorist ringleader]: It’s only been what, 24 hours since you murdered your boss? Congratulations on the shortest reign in criminal history.

Stella: Hey Mac! Where ya goin’?
Mac: London.