Too Late, CSI:NY, Danny/Mac, declaration of feelings from Danny (another comment_fic fic)


Mac wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. His mind was racing. He'd done the right thing in dismissing Danny. It was getting too dangerous. True, Danny only ever put himself at risk but it was a risk Mac could afford.

The truth was, Danny always got too close. To the case, to Mac, Danny was always so involved and it clouded Mac's judgment, it made it harder to think and one thing Mac has always prided himself on is his ability to think clearly and rationally. It was safer to dismiss Danny before anybody got hurt.

Still, the fact Mac may never see Danny again, it hurts more than he cares to admit and even though it has been three days since the transfer took effect, the gnawing in his stomach isn't easing up, it's getting worse.

Mac does what he always does when he can't sleep. He works. Except his mind keeps straying, his chest keeps hurting and his eyes feel like they're burning. He's not helping anybody being at the office and eventually, after four days of Stella and the rest of his team giving him a mix of anger and pity and acknowledgment that they're missing Danny just as much as he is, Mac snaps. Punching the wall in his office and shattering the glass.

This isn't about Danny, Mac tries to convince Sheldon but Sheldon doesn't reply. Instead, he gives Mac a prescription for some sleeping pills and tells him to go home and have some rest. Doctor's orders.

Mac's not in any fit state to drive so he takes the Subway, cursing as it's busy and he keeps seeing Danny everywhere. Mac is losing his mind and he can't figure out why.

When Mac gets home he notices the red light flashing on his answering machine but he ignores it and promptly passes out on the couch.

He dreams of Danny, but it's a dream he forgets upon waking.

Mac presses the button for his answering machine and something in his chest freezes as he hears Danny's voice.

"I'm sorry I let you down. You were the only one who made me feel like I had a purpose. On your team I was worth something. You saved me from being scum and I loved you for that. I should have known, that I'd end up disappointing you. I'm not as strong as you. I've failed you. I'm sorry."

Mac's cellphone rings and Mac doesn't want to answer it. He already suspects what it is and he... he just can't.

Ten minutes later and Flack is banging on Mac's door, sounding so professional Mac lets himself believe, just for a second. He lets Flack in and the redness of Flack's eyes lets Mac know.

"Don't Don!" Mac orders. "I don't want to hear it! I can't hear it!"

"Two joggers found his body washed up this morning. Sid says he's been dead at least three days." Flack reports, before bursting into tears. Mac refuses to.

"No! Danny wouldn't! He..." Mac sighs, his face crumbling. "I received his suicide note." Mac plays the message. "I was the one who failed him Don! And now it's too late, to tell him that I loved him too."